A very GIR fanfic
by ribbonhamhamgir
Summary: Happy Belated Groundhog Day...I'm not getting enough votes
1. Chapter 1

I just wrote this because I was bored. Don' t mind all the grammar errors, because that's how it's supposed to be.

Disclaimer: I don't own Invader Zim. I do own a bunch of Gir stuff, though. Like a bunch of t-shirts. Anyway…

Gir's p.o.v.

Once upon a time, I had a taquito. His name Fred. He like chocolate bubble gum too. One day he had a sammich friend named Bob.

"Hi Bob!" said Fred.

"Hi Fred! said Bob.

" What you have for breakfast?" Bob ask.

"I like food!" Fred say.

"Me too! One time I had corn!"

"I like the floor."

"Cheese sammiches make me happy..."

Then the taco named Taco came along.

"Hi Mr. Taco!" say Fred and Bob.

"Hi there!" say Taco. "I'm a taco!"

"I wish I was a taco," say Bob. "But I only a taquito!"

"You not taquito!" say Fred. "You only a sammich!"

"No I not."

"Yes you is."

"No I not."

"Yes you is."

"No I not!"

"Yes you is!"

"NO I NOT!""YES YOU IS!""NO I NOT!"

"YES YOU IS!"

6 hours later...

"NO I NOT"

"NO YOU NOT!"

"YES I IS!"

"HA! I got you!"

"Waaaaaahh!! YOU NOT MY FRIEND ANYMORE!" say Bob.

" Meanie!" say Fred.

Mr. Taco decided that he had to do something to save their friendship. But he didn't know what to do. Just then Mr. Waffle came along.

"Stop fighting!" Mr. Waffle say. "It doesn't matter who's a taco and who's not."

"Ok," say Bob.

"I'm sorry Bob," say Fred.

"I'm sorry Fred," say Bob. They hugged

"I wish Mini moose was here!" say Mr. Waffle.

Just then, Mini moose came along!

"Mah!" Mini moose say.

"Yaaaay! Everyone shout. " Now we can have a real party!"

Then everybody start dancing and the flying piggies came too. Jelly donuts rained from the sky!

The end!! YAAAYY! LET'S HAVE JELLY DONUTS!"

3rd person p.o.v.

" Now do you believe me, master?" GIR asked.

"GIR, that doesn't explain anything. Why didn't you just get the machine parts like I asked you?"

"I had tacos for breakfast!"

"I don't care! Just get the machine parts!"

"Okay!!" Gir started running towards the door and missed. He smacked his head on the wall.

"Yay! That was fun! I'm gonna do that again!" he said.

The End.


	2. Chapter 2

Well, I thought this would be a oneshot, but I got more ideas while I was bored. This chapter, combined with a dream I had a month ago, gave me an idea for a Hamtaro fanfic. I've gotta figure out a couple things before I write it, though. 

To Otherrealmwriter: The reason it's easier to get into GIR's mind than Hamtaro's: GIR really doesn't have a mind to get into, which is why he's so wuvable. Isn't that right, folks? AHHH! Ultra -Peepi smashes building.

Sorry about that. Here's Chapter 2.

Disclaimer: I don't own Invader Zim.

"Well, GIR, Now I begin the construction of the Ultra-Mega -Doom- Bringing Machine of…Doom!

"Want me to tell you another story, master?"

"NO!"

"Okay!"

"Once upon a time, there was a Waffle Prince named Pancake. Pancake was always confused about his name because he was a waffle. Or was he a pancake? He didn't know. I don't know too!

"One day the Pancake King of Belgia-"

"BELGIA? WHERE IS THIS BELGIA?!" My master shout.

" I dunno," I say. "It must be in Waffle Land!"

" As soon as I'm done constructing this Doom-Bringing machine, I shall conquer this WAFFLE LAND! BWAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!"

"The Pancake King of Belgia called the prince to the Royal Waffle Kingdom…of WAFFLES! I LIKE WAFFLES!"

'Hi Pancake!' Say the Waffle King. 

'Hi Pancake King!' say Pancake. "What you need me for ?"

'It's the Pancake Princess! She's been kidnapped by the evil Taco Dragon!'

Pancake gasp. 'That not nice!'

'If you can rescue her, you can marry her!' Pancake King say.

'Okay!' Pancake say.

'He took her to the Evil Taco Dragon Tower. Please bring her back!'

'I bring her back!'

'Bye!'

'Bye-bye!'

'Bye!'

'Bye!'

'Bye!'

'Bye!'

3 hours later…

'Bye!'

'Bye!'

"And then Pancake the Waffle left the Waffle Kingdom to go to the Evil Taco Dragon Tower. I like tacos! Can I have a taco, master?"

"No, GIR. Stop talking and pass me the wrench!"

"Pancake walked on a really long road. Really, really, really, reeeeeaally… GIR starts drooling …long! Suddenly he got hungry."

' I hungry,' say Waffle. ' I go eat taquitos now!' GIR starts drooling again

" Waffle look for taquito restaurant until he find one. It sell taquitos. I like taquitos!"

'Hello, sir,' say the nice Taquito taquito. He a taquito. 'What can I get you?'

'Gimme a taquito,' say Pancake,

'Okay,' say Taquitos taquito. He gave Pancake a taquito.

'You know what?' Pancake say. 'Maybe I need someone to come with me.'

' I come with you,' Taquito taquito say. 'I bored.'

'Okay! Time to dance!'

"And then they danced the Happy Dance! And then they walk and walk and walk and walk and walk and walk and walk and walk until they get to Evil Taco Dragon Tower. Wanna see how the Happy dance go?"

"No," said Zim.

'This the Evil Taco Dragon Tower,' say Pancake.

'It big,' say Taquito taquito. 'How we get in?' 

'I know!' say Pancake. 'We ask the guard nicely'

"The guard was really nice! He let Pancake and Taquito taquito in because they said please. They run around the castle until they find the Evil Taco Dragon."

'Arrgh! Say the Evil Taco Dragon! Who go there?'

'Pancake! I come to rescue the princess!'

'No!' Evil Taco Dragon say. 'She mine!'

'Now what we do?'

'We dance the I Don't Know Dance!'

"So then they started to sing the I Don't Know Dance until they came up with an idea."

'Please, Mr. Evil Taco Dragon? It not nice to kidnap someone without asking first.'

'Oh…okay. I don't like being evil anyway. I wanna be a mongoose!'

'The Taco Wizard can help you with that,' say Taquito taquito.

'Really?!'

'Yep!'

'Okay! I give her back now!'

"He drop the princess onto the floor."

'You okay, princess?' Pancake ask.

'I hurt!' The princess say.

'Let the party begin!' The talking piggy say!'

"So then Prince Waffle and the Pancake Princess got married and then everyone had a dance party! YAAAAAY! I DANCE NOW!"

"Zzzz……" Zim was asleep. GIR started dancing the Happy Dance to music that came out of nowhere. Zim was eventually woken up by the music and accidentally destroyed the Doom-Bringing Machine of Doom. THE END…of chapter 2.

Be sure to look for _Bijou: Ham-Lady-In-Waiting whenever I get to writing it._


	3. Chapter 3

A random thought to share here: wouldn't it be cool to own a SIR? Especially if it was like GIR! Seriously! I'd love one!

To JoeMerl: I'll start writing it when I find the time. Of course, I could be using the time I'm writing this to start it. I'm confusing myself, so I'll just start whenever I can. Be sure to look for it when it comes out. It was late when I wrote the last chapter.

Disclaimer: I don't own Invader Zim, nor do I own a SIR unit. But I want one! One that shoots stuff out of its head!

Chapter 3:

"Once upon a time, there was a cupcake named Cupcake. He was a cupcake. GIMME A CUPCAKE!" GIR said

"No," said a voice.

"WAAAHH!! Cupcake wanted to bake cookies."

'I wanna make cookies!' say Cupcake. The taquitos is burning in the freezer! Mr. Octopus have three legs! I must go to the market to buy stuff! YAY STUFF!'

"So Cupcake wrote a list of stuff he needed. List like this:

1. Taquitos

2. Moosey

3. Refrigerator

4. Milk

5. Sammiches

6. TACOOOOS!!

GIR starts drooling

"Then he go to market. He run around parking lot, just like this !" GIR ran around the room really fast, running up the walls and on the ceiling, kind of like when small rodents or really hyper people do when they have too much sugar. Maybe I should've mentioned that GIR had one too many cupcakes before he started telling the story.

"Suddenly, Cupcake fall in a hole. It don't have gophers, though. It was a really really really big hole."

'Aaaaaahhh!' Cupcake scream. 'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! Oooof!'

"Cupcake landed in a weird place. Reeeeaally weird. Just then, a weird freaky thing started talking to him."

" 'Welcome to the Underground World of the Moles!'say the three-headed talking Mole King. Did I say he had three heads? Cuz he did!

'Hi!' Say Cupcake. Is this the market? Where's the stuff?'

'No, this ain't a market. But the stuff is over there.'

"Cupcake walked over to the stuff. He picked up the first thing on the list, taquitos. A really loud bell started ringing."

'WINNER!' Big Scary Voice say. ' WINNER! WINNER!'

'But I not wiener!' say Cupcake.

'Congraduations!' Big Scary Voice say. 'You've won a lifetime supply of stuff!'

'WOOOOO!' Cupcake shout. Then a big party started! Piggies fell from the sky, cheesecake grew wings and flew into the airport! Cupcake and all the Mole People started dancing the Happy Dance, just like this!" GIR started to dance the Happy Dance again.

"THE END!" GIR screamed. "So what you think?"

"Get out of my house," said Dib.

"Okey-Dokey!"

I wonder if SIRs can do laundry. What do you think?


	4. Chapter 4

Hello. Today we are going to talk about the dangers of peer pressure. PSYCH! Just kidding! Who really wants to hear about that?

To 91cookieluvahh99: Thanks for pointing that out. The real Chapter 3 should be posted now.

Disclaimer: I like Invader Zim. In fact, you might even say I'm obsessed with it. But I don't own it. T.T

Chapter 4: The night Master Went Insane

**(GIR's P.O.V.)**

"**Master was just doin' stuff on his computer thingy in the lab. I was singing the Taco Song! It goes like this! Taco taco taco taco taco taco taco taco taco taco taco I like tacos! **

"**Then Master started screaming about something," I say.**

'**AHHH!! THE STUPIDITY RAY!! IT BURNS!! IT BURRNNNSSSS!!' Master scream.**

" **I look at master. He look funny. He screaming really loud. Blue light thingy makin him crazy!"**

'**GIR! HELP MEEEEEE!!'**

"**I make pancake with my head! It taste like Big Head boy's camera thingy!**

"**Master looked dizzy after the blue light thingy . He crazyyyyyy!"**

'**Duhhh…' he say. **

'**Hi Master!' I say.**

'**What is this master of which you speak? I am a mere Pork-Cow from the planet Jupiter!'**

'**Why do tacos taste so goooooood?'**

'**I like mooses and waffles!' Master say.**

'**I wish I had a piggy right now,' I say**

'**I know where there are lots of piggies! In the Magical Piggy Land of Piggies!'**

'**EEEEEEE!' I say.**

'**C'mon!'**

"**So then Master took Mr. Elevator down to the basement, I think."**

'**This no Land of Piggies!' I say.**

'**But I haven't shown it to you yet,' Crazy Master say.**

'**Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooohhhh…'**

"**Then Master took me to this machine thingy. He push a magic button. Piggies start shooting all over the place! And waffles made of chocolate and bacon too! Master and I stayed up all night dancing and having waffle eatin' contests! I won! We dance until morning. Then Master started to act different again.**

'**Uuuugghh… HUH? GIR! What's going on here?'**

'**Master! You came back! I missed you!'**

'**GIR! Clean up this place! It's- BLARGH!'**

"**Master got really sick. The END!"**

"**GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!" Gaz screamed. "Security!"**

**Next Time: Why eating too much junk food can be bad for you.**


	5. Chapter 5

If you're a Hamtaro fan, be sure to look for the video game coming out September 23! Of course, if you're not a fan of preschool-age games, then I'm not so sure about that. THREE DAY WEEKEND! WOOOOOOOOOO!! Special guest in this story; me!

Disclaimer: Waffles taste good. Oh, and I don't own Invader Zim.

Chapter 5: How did I get into this?

Ugh…yawn. Wait, how did I end up in this weird lab? Wh-what's going on? I see GIR coming towards me.

"Hey! You have a shirt with me on it!" he says.

It's true. I'm wearing one of my many GIR shirts.

"Master's gonna wanna see you! I like pudding!"

"Master?" I ask.

"Gimme a taco!"

"But I don't have a taco."

"Gimme a taco!"

"But I don't have-"

"WAAAHHH!!"

"Look, I'd love to get you a taco, but I don't have any money, and I don't carry tacos around with me."

"WAAAAAHH!!" GIR starts shooting tacos at me. I am drowning in tacos!

"Somebody help me!"

"YAAAY!" GIR shouts in delight. He eats the tacos for what, three hours? I gasp for breath.

"Why didn't you get those tacos in the first place?" I ask.

Without warning, GIR grabs me by my hair and drags me to the other side of the lab. The floor is really cooooold! shudders Owowowowowowowow!

"Master! Look what I found!"

"Zzzzz…" Apparently Zim had been asleep from working on something. "Huh? Wha?

"It has a shirt with me on it!"

"GIR, that's ridiculous! Wait, you're right! Wait, you're right? Something's not right here…"

"What am I doing here?" I ask.

"It worked! The dimensional teleporter worked! Zim is GENIOUS!"

"Will someone please explain what's going on?"

"I LIKE TAQUITOS!" GIR says. He shoots piggies out of his head. Now I'm drowning in piggies.

"Now we finally have an experiment subject to test the Really Painful Doom Ray!"

"Not me!" I cry and run away. I run as fast as I can, which is not that fast, because a mechanical hand grabs my head. I manage to wriggle my way out of the hand and continue to run.

"Fool! Nobody escapes from ZIM! GIR! Attack the human!"

GIR just sits playing with his piggies. I'm glad the Tallest made him so…advanced.

I'm backed into a corner. Zim is coming closer to me with something that looks awfully painful. What do I do now?

Wait, what's this button do? It's gotta be better than what Zim's gonna do to me. I press the button. Some blue ray shoots out.

"No! Not the stupidity ray! Not again! IT BURRRNNNSSS!"

"Yes! It worked! I'm free! Wait, why is it aiming at me? No…no…NOOOO!!"

"Huh? Master, what's goin' on here?"

"Duhh…" He says.

"I like pancakes!" I say. " Moose!"

GIR runs up and hugs me! "Look at all the pretty colors, master!" He say to Master.

"Duh…" Master say. GIR and I stare at the preeeeety colooooorrrssss….oooohhh….

So then Zim, GIR and I hold a dancing contest. GIR wins, and Zim gets sick from eating too many rubber piggies. The End I LIKE RUBBER PIGGIES!

Give me a million dollars or you'll never see me again! ELOL! (evil laugh out loud) :P Just kidding, or am I?… I LIKE MOOSES!


	6. Chapter 6

Most of the stupidity ray's effects have worn off…for now… Well, I still haven't received that million dollars yet, so I'm stuck in the Zim world. And what's worse, in this chapter, I'm not even in the Zim world anymore…

To PivotDJ: That sounds like a great idea, but I have no clue who Gordon Freeman is. Did you mean Morgan Freeman? Still, I'll see what I can do.

To 91cookieluvah: Not only do I have one GIR shirt, I have about seven, and a purse, the perfume, the lip balm, and countless pictures I drew. In short, I have a lot of GIR stuff. And there's still stuff I don't own. Go figure.

Disclaimer: Eat tofu. And I still don't own Invader Zim…yet…Bwahahahahaaaaa!

Chapter 6: The Invader of Oz

I just woke up from a long, bizarre night. Am I home now? Apparently not. Am I in the Zim universe? Again, no. Am I afraid of what's going on right now? Duh.

"Wh-where am I?" I ask.

"Huh?" Zim says. "This is not the base!"

"You're fooling!" I say.

"What? ZIM does not fool you!"

"I wants me a taquito!" says GIR, who is now in my GIR purse. He's wearing his dog disguise, of course.

"Why am I wearing a horrible checkered dress? It's AWFUL!"

My dress magically turns black.

"Better."

"Wait, how did we get dragged here?" Dib asks. Gaz is with him.

"I dunno. I'm not even sure if I'm still writing this thing anymore."

"What?" Dib asks.

"Nothing, nothing."

"NOOOOO!! MY GAMESLAVE! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?! " Gaz shouts.

"I don't know! I'm not here because I want to be," I say.

"How do we get out of here?"

All five of us are trapped in this freakish candy world. Lollypops…everywhere. shudders Millions…of freakish little…elf things…someone get me OUT OF HERE!

"Yay! The wicked witch is dead! Let's start singing!" says one of the freaky elf things.

"Nooooooo! Anything but that! Please!" I cry.

GIR runs up to an elf.

"Why, hello little dog! We-AAAAHHHHHH!!" The munchkin uttered his last words. GIR swallowed it whole. Then he started licking everything around him.

"I like toasters!" he cried. Then he ate the raining candy from the sky.

"Ahhhh! My eye! It burns!" said Zim, who had just been hit by candy.

"We must be on another planet," said Dib.

"Get me my Gameslave or someone is going to die!" said Gaz.

"Hello," says this weird fairy lady. She's wearing a hideous sparkling dress. " I am the Good Witch Glen-"

"Where am I?!" said Zim.

"You are-"

"Where am I?!"

"You are-"

"Where am I?!"

"YOU'REINOZ!" The weird fairy lady hurried to say.

"How do we get out of here?" I ask.

"Follow the yellow brick road to Emerald City! The wizard will help you!"

Before I can say anything, I hear screaming.

"GIR! Stop eating the elf creatures!" Zim shouts to GIR.

"But they taste like candy!"

"Follow the yellow brick road, follow the yellow brick road, follow the follow the follow the follow the follow the yellow brick AAAAAGGHHH!" The munchkins started to sing, but GIR had already eaten some of them. Oops.

So we follow the long yellow brick road while GIR sings a song.

"I wish I had me a taco

Oh if only I had a taco

Then I'd be really happy

And I like cooooorn!!"

"If only you had a proper memory disk," said Zim.

"If only I had my Gameslave," said Gaz.

"If only I had proof that Zim's an alien!" said Dib.

"If only I were home," I say.

After GIR's insane song, we arrive at this bizarre glowing green city. No, I don't remember the Wizard of Oz very well, and I am NOT willing to watch it again.

"Zim…what are you doing here?" says this talking door. It looks just like the Tallest Red Again, I don't remember the movie very much.

"Zim does not know! Zim only wants to leave this place. I AM ZIM!"

"Yeah, whatever. Just go in."

We enter a big palace. Really big.

So now we walk over to a giant head. It's Tallest Purple.

"It's Zim…and friends. Whaddaya want?"

"I wanna go home!"

"I wanna taco!"

"I wish to dominate the Earth!"

"I want to be believed for once!"

"I want my Gameslave back!"

"Yes, well for the purple-headed girl, here's a sandwich."

A sandwich appears in the magic portal.

"It's not the same!" She said. GIR ate her sandwich.

"For the advaaaaanced SIR unit, a paddleball, a paper clip, and a half-empty juice box."

"YEEEEEEEEE!" GIR said.

"For the Big-Headed boy-"

"My head's not big!"

"-a pie."

"And for…hey, I've never seen you before."

"I'm not from around here, let's put it that way."

"Just take the balloon home."

"Thank you!" I cry.

"Not so fast," said a voice coming from a mysterious figure in a black cloak.

"Who are you?" I ask.

"I am Gordon Freeman!" He says. " I have come for the Magic Black boots."

"Sign my head!" GIR says. Gordon Freeman signs his head. "YEEEEEE!"

I look down at my feet. "Oh these things? Sure, take 'em. They're killing my feet."

"Oh…well, that was easier than I thought."

"Take this, zombie human!" Zim threw a bucket of water at Gordon Freeman.

"I'm melting! I'M MELTIIIIIING!" Gordon Freeman cried. Too bad I never got to know who he was.

"He look like oatmeal!" says GIR.

"Well, I don't know about you, but I'm getting out of here!" I say.

I enter a hot air balloon. Suddenly it goes up into the air. It just keeps going up and up. An hour later, I haven't moved anywhere. I think I've been tricked.

"Hey! Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeyy!! Get me out of here! Get me out of here!"

Everyone down below is laughing at me! Someone get me out of here!

Will I ever escape? Did Gordon Freeman really melt? Eventually, I did escape the balloon, but not the Zim world. As for Gordon Freeman…the world will never know…just like how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop. One of the world's many mysteries…


	7. Chapter 7

I have arrived home, thank goodness. The thing is, GIR thought I was a giant taco and grabbed my leg as I stepped into the teleporter. So now, GIR's come home with me. Joy, right? Well, read for yourself and find out.

To PivotDJ: Ah, but there's a twist. You see, it wasn't Gordon Freeman, but none other than…Hannah Montana! Dun dun dun!

Disclaimer: Do I have to? Oh, all right.sigh I DON'T OWN INVADER ZIM! T-T

Chapter 7: GIR comes over.

"Yes! I can finally go home!" I cry.

"Yes, yes. Get out of here before I severely damage your brain," Zim says.

The moment I start to put my foot into the portal, GIR grabs onto my leg with. I was too excited to notice.

"Don't leave, giant taco!"

"Well, I might miss this place but-" Before I can finish my sentence, Zim pushes me fully in.

"AHHHHHHH!" GIR and I both scream while moving through a black hole.

The next morning, I find a bizarre surprise…

"Wheeeeeeeeeeeee!" GIR hangs from the ceiling fan.

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!" I scream. "How did you get here?"

"Taco!"

"I'm not a taco."

"Yes you is!"

"Look, I don't have time to argue. I've gotta get to school."

"Can I come too?"

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaseeeeeeeeeee?" GIR says with an irresistible cute face.

"No…it's…too hard…to resist…cute face! Oh, alright."

"Yaaaaaaaaay!"

"But you have to stay in my backpack the whole time, and NO talking."

"Moose!"

"Exactly my point."

At school…

I'm waiting for the teacher to show up. The class is chatting their brains out, as usual. My backpack is fidgeting. That can't be good.

"GIR!" I whisper harshly. "Stop moving!"

"I feels funny! Ha ha!"

"Maybe you better get some air." I unzip the backpack. Without warning, GIR jumps out. He runs out on to the teachers desk. Everybody's too busy talking to notice.

"Hi there!" He says to the class. Some people start looking at him.

"Wanna hear a story?"

"Everyone just stares at GIR."

"GIR! Get back here!"

"I's gots me a story to tell! Once upon a time, there was a whale. One day, the taquito named Boris had rabies! I LIKES THE COW! Pies have three eyes and two brains! Monkeys make good friends! I dance now!" GIR started dancing to random music that came out of nowhere.

"GIR…you better get back here now," I say. The entire class cheers.

"Genius!" Someone cried. "Pure smartitudeness!"

"Okaaaaayyy…" I say. Then GIR runs out the door. That can't be good, but there's not enough time to look for him.

Later at lunch…

"…So when does it come out?" one of my friends asks

"I don't know," the other one says."

"So anyway, I have…hey, isn't that GIR?"

"Uh-oh…"

Later…

I'm home. Why is there disco music playing? I go to the living room to find a sparkly GIR swinging from the ceiling.

"GIR," I ask, "what are you doing?"

"I'm a disco ball!"

I find at least five Bedazzler on the floor.

"How did you get that?"

"The nice phone lady gave it to me!"

"How much money did it cost?"

"A lotta moneys!"

I slap my forehead. Ugh…

Well, I'm too lazy to type much more, so I'll just tell you what happens. Eventually, Zim finds a way to get back. So now, I'm stuck with five Bedazzlers, a hundred-dollars to pay, half-eaten homework, and no way to explain this to my parents.


	8. Chapter 8

Good day. Tonight's story has a moral. Oh, stop crying! Would you rather learn it this way or learn it the easy way; the hard way? Confused yet? Good. This chapter is called "Dib and Zim Make a Stupid Bet." Can you guess what it's about? Hmm?…

Disclaimer: Zzzzzzz…Wha…WHAT?! Oh yeah. I'll let you know when I own Invader Zim, and when pigs fly.

Horoscope: Gemini: Be sure to carry a strong umbrella. Those raining pigs are gonna rain strong on you tomorrow, and it won't be pleasant.

Chapter 8: Zim and Dib Make a Stupid Bet (I got this inspiration from waiting after school.)

Dib was ecstatic. Today was the one day of the year that his dad picked him up from school.

Meanwhile, Zim was waiting for GIR to pick him up. Surely none of the foolish humans would suspect a flying dog monster of not being normal! NORMAL, I TELL YOU! HUMANS!

GIR was at the mall. He was going to get nachos for the Scary Monkey Show Monkey-riffic 104 hour marathon! Yeeeeeeee! But he had forgotten why he had come to the mall in the first place, for a mob of teen girls following him around asking for his autograph. (Why, I do not know. EGG ROLLS!)

"Tell us a story!" One of them cried.

"Okie-dokie! Once upon of time, there was a story that never ended. It go like this:

Once upon a time, I had a coupon. It grow legs and ate a sammich. Master started dancin' like a taquito on a hot stove. One time I tasted the stove. It taste hot! Mooses and the flyin' donuts had tacos for lunch. I like lunch…"

Meanwhile on the other side of town, Professor Membrane was just preparing to leave the lab. Just then he got a call from his boss.

"Membrane, I know you've got a busy schedule, but I need you to find a cure for this new latest disease," said his boss.

"Disease?! Or my son? Hmm… I suppose my son can wait a few more minutes…or another hour, at the most."

Bach at Skool…

The bell rang. Skool had ended. The rushing crowd of human children ran out to go home. ( A/N: I LIKE CUPCAKES!)

After twenty minutes, everyone was gone except for Zim and Dib.

"So, Zim. I see you're not home yet," Dib said.

"Nor are you, Dib-stink. Ahahahahaha!"

"I bet my dad will get here first!"

"Nonsense! GIR is much faster than your pathetic human technology!"

"I bet you five dollars my dad gets here first!"

"And I bet you five earth-moneys that GIR gets here first!"

"You're on!"

They waited another ten minutes.

"Hey Zim, where's GIR? Watching TV? Hmm…"

Now that Dib had brought it up, where was GIR?

"…So then the taquito brought a mongoose to dinner. Mr. Walrus had a dream of a flyin' piggy! I wanna ride the piggy! I ate a fruit bat for breakfast…"

"Where is your parent, Dib? Working on primitive Earth technology?"

"Hey, well at least he's doing something for the good of humanity! All your robot does is eat and watch TV."

"Well, he watches…informational programming! Yes! I AM ZIM!"

"Riightttt…"

Meanwhile…

"…Then I hads me a tuna cupcake! My master don't like tuna…"

Three hours later…

"Son! It's time to go!" Membrane called.

"Yes! I win, Zim!" Dib cried as the car started to move. "Pay up!"

Zim tried to run, but the car kept going faster and faster.

"I can't!"

"Yes you can!"

"No, I can't run that fast!"

"Noooooooooooo!"

GIR was in the middle of his story when he looked at a TV screen. A moose was eating grass.

"Oh no! I gotta pick up Master!"

So in less than two minutes, GIR arrived to pick Zim up. Then they got home just in time for the Scary Monkey Show marathon. GIR got to eat his nachos for 104 hours, and Zim worked on a plan to take over the world…using toast…(A/N: Maybe I'll make that a fanfic one day)

Moral: Never make a stupid bet. Ever.

The End. TOASTER OVENS!


	9. Chapter 9

Tonight: Welcome, folks! I've got good news for you! If you can read this, then congratulations! YOU, yes you, are smarter than a cheese grater! However, how much smarter you are depends on you.

Disclaimer: I don't own Invader Zim. I also don't own a singing cupcake-eating moose. Go figure.

Horoscope: Sagittarius: You will finally get on that game show you've always wanted to be on…and you will lose. To a jelly donut.

Oh, and guess what? Special guest: ME AGAIN!! Oh, come on, I can't be THAT bad…T-T

Chapter Nine: Are YOU Smarter than a Cheese Grater? (Man, I've always wanted to do that)

"Welcome folks! It's time for…"

The mob: "Are You Smarter than a Cheese Grater!"

"Good evening! Today's contestant is a very _unique guest with the attention span of a goldfish, but he's awesome in every way, heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrree's GIR!" I announce._

_The audience applauds. Perhaps I should mention that the audience of this show is mostly made of potato sacks, the only things on Earth who will actually watch this show. The applause is only a recording. _

_GIR runs out into the spotlight. He is wearing a beret and a poncho. _

"_What's with the outfit?" I ask._

"_I like stuff!" he says and sticks out his tongue._

"_Okay…Let me just explain the rules. You have three lifelines: Copy your cheese grater's answer, call a friend, (A/N: Oops, wrong show!) or do the Mexican Hat Dance! Now, meet your fellow classmates!_

"_Tonight we have Zim-_

"_I am ZIM!"_

"_-Dib the big-headed kid-_

"_My head's not big! Zim's an alien!"_

"_I am not, foolish human!"_

"_You are too!" Zim and Dib start fighting._

"_Gaz-_

"_Whoever took away my Gameslave must die."_

"_-Hannah Montana!"_

"_Hi Y'all!"_

"_-And a cheese grater!"_

"…"

"_Now, let's play! Choose your classmate!"_

"_Ooh ooh! Pick me! I get five thousand dollars for every minute I'm on camera!" Hannah Montana said._

_It took GIR an epic five minutes to make up his mind. "I pick the shreddy thing!"_

"_All right then. Pick a category."_

"_I pick the yellow one!"_

"_There are two yellow ones."_

"_I pick the first one."_

"_Ok, First grade geometry." A picture of a triangle shows up on the board. "What is this shape? Is it:_

_A. A circle_

_B. A triangle_

_C. A dodecagon_

_D. Vanna White"_

_I give GIR another epic five minutes. "Well, let's see what you both wrote._

"_GIR wrote: I like cheezcake! Cheese grater wrote…nothing." It's a cheese grater, it can't talk._

"_The answer was B…next question! Pick a category!"_

"_I pick the other yellow one," GIR answered_

"_Okay, Eleventh grade trigonometry. What is trigonometry? A. math_

_B. science_

_C. history_

_D. a type of straightjacket?"_

_I wait for an answer. "Okay, let's see what you wrote. GIR wrote: taquitoZ! Cheese grater wrote:… nothing." I told you, it's a cheese grater. It can't write. "The answer is A…next-"_

"_I pick the green one!"_

"_But I didn't even finish my-"_

"_WAHHH!! I WANTS THE GREEN ONE!"_

"_Okay," I say, starting to feel a little scared. "Kindergarten science. What happens to an ice cube after it's left in the heat?_

_A. It melts_

_B. It freezes_

_C. Cinco de Mayo_

_L. Why is L an answer?"_

_Wait some more…_

"_GIR wrote: Mini moose!! Cheese grater wrote: Nothing." Honestly, it's just a cheese grater._

"_Um…the answer was…well, who cares! Let's get another student now…how about Zim?"_

"_What are you going to do to me?!" Zim shouted. _

"_Why don't you come down here and answer a few questions?"_

"_I'M NORMAL!"_

"_Okay then…Pick a category"_

"_Silence! Zim shall select this category of which you speak…I pick the purple one!"_

"_But there is no-"_

"_SILENCE!"_

"_Okay, then let's try the blue one then. Fourth grade English. Spell the word, the"_

_I whistle while Zim and GIR write._

"_GIR wrote…nothing. He drew a picture of himself dancing with a fish. Zim wrote: I'M NORMAL!"_

"_Umm…you know what? Let's just forget the whole thing. Yesssss…AAAAHH! RANDOM SCREAMING TIME! AAAAAHHAAHHAHAHAHAAA!!" GIR decides to scream along with me._

"_Someone call the Crazy Police!" Hannah Montana cried._

"_Zim's an alien!" Dib shouted._

"_I'M NORMAL!"_

"_Will somebody please get me my Gameslave?!" Gaz shouted._

_The cheese grater did nothing. Or did it start to dance? DID IT?! I ASK YOU! FEAR THE CHEESE GRATERS! THEY ARE GREAT!! WAIT! WHO ARE THE PEOPLE IN THE WHITE CLOTHES?! WHAT IS THIS THING THEY PUT ON ME? A STRAIGHTJACKET?! WHY ARE THEY PUTTING ME IN A VAN? YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!! I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO BE IN A VAN! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!_

_The people take me away to the happy place. _

"_Vote me for universe ruler '08!" said Hannah Montana. Paid for by the Hannah Montanna for President Association._

_Vote GIR for president!_


	10. Chapter 10

Don't be surprised if I don't respond in a while. I'm working on another story, so just be patient. And I'm having quite a time trying to write that.

Disclaimer: I still don't own Invader Zim. If Christmas is in July, does that mean Easter is in October? Happy Easter in October, everybody!

Chapter 10: Aliens HATE The Bagpipes (OMG! 10 Chapters!? Bring out the dancing monkeys!)

"Okay, GIR. Be sure to look veeeeeeerry carefully to see if we got all of Dib's hidden cameras," Zim said.

"Hey master! Lookit what I found!" GIR had found a set of bagpipes. I think we all know where this is going to lead to, but just in case you don't…

"GIR! Put that monster thing away! I told you to look for more of those cameras!"

GIR put the mouthpiece and blew as hard as he could. A huge squeaky noise came out. Zim covered his ears.

"Aaaahh!" he screamed. "Stop playing!"

But, alas, GIR did not stop playing. He played so loud, the noise reached Dib's house.

"DIB!" Gaz shouted, "Quit making that noise!"

"But…I'm not doing that."

"Shut up!"

Maybe I should spy on Zim; he's probably responsible for this, Dib thought. He looked at his computer screen. Blank. Zim must have found the security cameras. Dib checked all of the cameras at once. Fortunately, he hadn't found all of them. Dib zoomed in.

"Ahh! GIR! Stop that accursed noise!"

"Look master! I's playin music!"

"Stop it! STOP THAT!"

But GIR did not stop playing. Instead, he played even louder. Zim went down to his lab.

"Let's see," he said, "what could I use to destroy that…thing?" He looked around and saw a giant bomb. "Excellent!"

Zim got in his ship and flew up reeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaallly high up in the sky. PIGGIES! Without thinking about the consequences, he pushed the release button.

KA-BLAM! Zim flew down to see if it worked.

Apparently, it hadn't. The bomb had destroyed everything EXCEPT GIR and his bagpipes.

"Nooooo! My beautiful base!" He cried.

"Don't worry Master! I'll play you a song to make you feel better!" GIR offered. He blew into the bagpipes and tried to sing at the same time.

"blow Twinkly Twinkly little car! blow cow I dandruff E 4 7! blow Up the chimney blow is my pie! blow…"

"No! Anything but that!"

Zim tried everything he could find in his lab…or what was left of it…but nothing worked. He had an idea, but he wouldn't do it if you tied a dog monster to his head and stuffed his mouth with pizza and rats. It made him shudder.

"No…I won't work with the Dib. Never."

"blowBaa baa black sheep, blow gimme some taquitos!blow"

"Well…maybe just this once…ugh…"

So Zim walked…no, no. Zim _flew_ using a jetpack over to Dib's house. I wish I had a jetpack. TT

Meanwhile, GIR started playing the bagpipes and dancing.

Zim hesitated. Did he really want to ask Dib for help? Of course not. But eventually, that sound could cause the world to blow up. Hmm…maybe…no, he needed to conquer Earth, not destroy it. Why did GIR have to find a set of bagpipes? Zim knocked on the door.

Dib opened the door. "What do you want, Zim? I'm watching _Mysterious Mysteries right now!"_

"_It's GIR. He won't stop the horrible noise!"_

"_What do you want me to do about it? As long as he's annoying you, I have no problem."_

"_You don't understand! If he gets loud enough, he will destroy your putrid filth planet!"_

"_Why do you care?"_

"_I-oh never mind! Help me stop him!"_

"_Why should I help you?"_

"_Because if you don't, I will perform terrible experiments on your human brains."_

"_Fine."_

_And now, for an unrelated ad!_

_Del Taco! Feed the beast! GIR runs into Del Taco and hops on peoples tables and eats their tacos!) _

"_HEY! Get that thing out of here!" A security guard shouts. GIR continues to eat tacos until he's really fat and then sees a person eating a taco. You know what's gonna happen now._

"_Wow. We are gonna make a huge profit out of this one," a Del Taco manager says._

_End of Unrelated Ad!_

_Back to the story…_

"_Now, how do we get rid of those bagpipes?" Zim questioned._

_Dib thought for about five minutes. Then he ran away._

"_Hey! HEY! Where are you going!?"_

_But by the time he said that, Dib had already ran back home to watch Mysterious Mysteries. _

"_Well, so much for that. WAIT! I've got an idea!" Zim shouted to himself._

"_Mommy, he crazy!" a little kid said._

"_Not as crazy as the big-head kid, honey," his mother said._

_Zim ran home as fast as he could, because he forgot that he had his jetpack. He pulled out a giant mallet from thin air, snatched the bagpipes, and struck them as hard as he could. The bagpipes laid there, crushed to smithereens. _

"_Waaaaaahh!" GIR cried. In order to shut GIR up, Zim bought him a cupcake. Then they all started dancing to polka music. _

_The End!_

_This ending message brought to you by Coca-Cola._

_A fun activity to do while waiting:_

_Try to find out how many teaspoons of water can fill your whole pool. For even more fun, why not use salt instead. Wheeeeee! _


	11. Chapter 11

This next chapter was inspired by the nearly-empty juice box in my dad's car and the ant on my sister's pizza. (Hey, it wasn't my fault, but she was stealing my CD, so she deserved it! And plus, we got free meal passes! Yay!) By the way, I'm dedicating this chapter to my friend, whose birthday is coming in two days! She's turning 13! Happy Birthday to her, and anyone else reading this on their birthdays.

Disclaimer: I'm sick of disclaimers. I think you all know that I don't own Invader Zim…Drat! I just unintentionally gave a disclaimer. Umm…they made me do it! points to palm trees

Chapter 11: Eggnog Has Nothing to Do With This Chapter! I TELL YOU, IT DOESN'T! RHESUS MONKEYS!

"…And so class," Ms. Bitters stated, "The radioactive ants from Jupiter will invade us, and we will all be doomed…doomed…doomed…doomed…doomed…doom-"

Ms. Bitters' morbid lecture on doom (A/N: Yay morbid lectures of doom!) was interrupted by the bell. "Leave, children, before I set the rabid weasel children loose.

The children flooded out the doors and windows (some even smashed through the walls!) and ran out. All except for one…

"They're coming…" Zim shuddered. The ants were coming. "I must prepare!" The phone-thingy from his pack sprung (sprang?) out. "GIR! Come pick me up NOW!"

Before Zim could even blink his eyes, GIR was already there in two seconds flat. "Hi Master!"

"Take me to the Food Market."

"Okey-dokey!" Before Zim could even blink again, they were already in the middle of an aisle in the Food Market.

"If there's one thing I know, GIR, it's that radioactive ants fear juice! We must buy all the juice boxes in this food market before the ants arrive! The ANTS!"

GIR was very excited. He loved Almost Fruit-like™ fruit juice. It tasted yummy. Mmm..

"Now, GIR, grab all the juice your head can store."

GIR grabbed all the juice his head could store, and all the juice he could carry in his arms. Meanwhile, Zim brought the Voot Cruiser inside the store to hold all the juice boxes that the store had, and mind you, that was a lot, and I mean a LOT of juice boxes. They walked over to the cashier.

For the next five hours, Zim and GIR were stuck waiting while the cashier scanned those hundreds of thousands of juice boxes. Meanwhile, Zim just stood there while GIR looked at a teen gossip magazine. What amazed Zim was that GIR could actually READ the magazine.

After that, Zim and GIR managed to squeeze in the Voot Cruiser and flew to the base.

In four hours, Zim had built a fort made entirely of juice boxes and tofu burgers. (Don't ask me where he got the tofu burgers.)

"GIR! Quit eating the fortress! We need it to protect ourselves from the ants!"

"But Master! It's so yummy!"

Zim gave GIR an angry look. Tears started to fill GIR's eyes.

Zim sighed. "There's a year's supply of tacos in the fridge. Why don't you get those?"

"Oh yeah…" GIR shot the tacos out of his head. It might as well have been raining tacos which it would, tomorrow…but back to the story…

"Why do you keep a supply of tacos in your head?"

"In case the cows want them, silly!"

"Yeah, I guess that makes sense."

"Pennies make cents!"

"Huh?"

"Master, why is we hidin'? Are we playin' hide and seek?"

"No, GIR. For the thousandth time, we're hiding from the radioactive ants from Jupiter who will invade our base and destroy us all! We must outlast the humans and the ants to dominate the filthy remains of the planet!"

"But what if they a'splode us all?"

"They won't, GIR, they won't. because we are PREPARED! Unlike the rest of the humans!"

…

Dib was suspicious. Zim had been gone for many days now. What happened? Had he moved? Yes! Zim moved! Earth was safe! But…what if it wasn't? No, what if he was planning something big? Something HUGE! He would have to see what Zim was up to!

After Skool, Dib snuck past the robot gnomes, which were even more vicious today. He looked at a massive pile of tofu burgers and juice boxes surrounding a trembling, crazy Zim and his robot…thing.

"Ants…radioactive…Jupiter…" Zim murmured to himself.

"And people think I'm crazy," Dib said aloud.

"HUH! Who's there?!" A paranoid Zim shouted.

"It's the big head kid!" GIR pointed out.

"My head's not big!"

"YOU LIIIIEEE!"

"What are you doing?"

"The radioactive ants…they're coming…I must prepare! GIR! Take me to the food market!"

"You mean the lecture Ms. Bitters gave a long time ago?"

"Ha, Dib! You will be destroyed by the radioactive ants, if not meeeeee!"

"You do know that the odds of being attacked by radioactive ants is about 1,000,000,000 to 1."

"Yeah…well…your head is big!"

The very next day, the radioactive from ants invaded and took over the world. Don't look now, but i think there's one behind you! Get the juiceboxes! Confess to your parents about how you took the 20 dollars they left on the table to buy Pop Rocks! Run for your lives!

Happy Birthday! I mean, to my friend, or anyone else who just so happens to read this on their birthday. If not, then I bid you a fair day. Mmm…yep


	12. Chapter 12

I try to concentrate on my other fic, but I have a really hard time. For some reason, I can focus more on random stuff. Maybe I was born that way. Or maybe it was the monkeys…There's a really weird couple in this…well, not really a couple, since Zim doesn't love

Disclaimer: How many times have I told you? I don't own Invader Zim…or Subway.

Chapter 12: Aww…Mimi's in luuuuvvv…obsessively

But first, a fake ad!

GIR's P.O.V.

"At home, I ain't allowed to choose my clothes

"GIR! You are not going out in an orange tutu AND your dog disguise!" Master says.

"I ain't allowed to choose my own bed time," I says

"GIR! You can't go to sleep now! Hand me that wrench!"

"I ain't allowed to choose what I wants to play with"

"GIR! Quit playing with that explosive-" big 'splodey. KABLAM!

"But at umm...what dat word say?"

"Subway," the big-card man behind the camera whisper.

"…Subway , I gets to choose what I wants to eat!"

"You want our new Almost-Antibiotic-Free™ Baloney with that?" the nice Subway man ask.

"Gimme everything!"

"Hey, it's your health, not mine."

"Subway. Eat Fresh," the big scary loud voice guy say. Everything go splodey. I LIKE SPLODEY!

Chapter 12:

Zim and GIR were almost finished cleaning up the juice box and tofu burger fortress (That was quite a big battle between the radioactive ants; they even brought the mutant donuts from Saturn with them!) when something came crashing through the roof.

"Ahhhh!" Zim screamed. Whose space ship was this?

The spaceship mysteriously opened. Tak sat there, tied up bound and gagged. Mimi was driving the ship.

"Tak! I should've known! What do you want?"

"Mmmph!"

"YOU LIIIIIIEE!"

"Mmmphff!"

Mimi jumped out of the ship. Her eyes turned into little purple hearts.

"Fine. You, SIR unit. What does your master want?"

Mimi said nothing. Instead, her words showed up on a screen from her head.

"What master wants does not matter," she said, "I want Zim."

"Umm…what?"

Well, since I'm too lazy to describe what Mimi said, I'm just gonna write the flashback, like how you see it on TV.

flashback

"Yes! This plan will SURELY WORK! Zim will finally pay, and I shall conquer the earth! Computer! Set target!"

A picture of Zim showed up on the computer screen. It showed where he lived and a bunch of other information I can't think of…err…I mean…am not willing to disclose. Yeah, that's it. Mimi felt something deep down, in the bottom of her circuit panel. But SIR units didn't feel. They weren't supposed to feel, especially not…love? Is that what they called it? Well, except for Zim's SIR unit, but that was a different situation. And yet, here she was, lost in the picture.

I must have him, she thought. He will be mine…

"Mimi! I thought I told you to…where did you get that tape? No…no…noononononoonooooooo-mmmmphhhh!"

Mimi took control of the ship. Soon, she would see her love…

end flashback

"Gaaaaaaaahahaaaahaaaa…" Zim shuddered.

"Master, can I play with Piggy?"

"GIR, go bring me the super-laser-"

"I's gonna play with da toaster!"

"I told you-"

"Toaster! I'm a moo cow! Quack! Gimme sausages!"

"Mmmmffpph!"

Mimi came uncomfortably close to Zim. "Come with me,

"Ahhhhhh!" He screamed and ran away. Mimi chased after. Her love had gone from crush to obsession in no time flat.

Screen: "You will be mine."

"Noooooo!!"

After a funny montage of Zim running away from Mimi for some time, he had temporarily escaped her. The only ones there were Zim and Tak. Zim untied…or rather, untaped

her.

"She…tied me up. What's wrong with her?"

"I don't know, but I have a feeling it has something to do with me-"

"-I KNOW THAT! I have to fix her!"

"GIR! Get the super mega-death ray gun!"

"You plan on shooting her?"

"Oh, I don't plan on shooting her…"

Zim pulled some rope randomly from the air and tied her down to the wall.

"You can't kill me! I'm the only one who can stop Mimi!"

Zim untied her. "And how do you plan on doing that?"

"I'll swich her circuit panels so that she's back to normal. All we need to do is capture her, and I'll do the rest."

"Fine. But the Demon Ham will get his revenge against you!"

"What?"

"Oh, you'll see. You'll see…"

"Never mind that. Go set up a trap or something."

"…Oh, here's Master!" GIR said.

"Hurry, they're coming," said Tak.

And now, another fake ad:

Rated E for everyone:

The world is in danger…

shows people at Burger King doing nothing

…An unstoppable evil comes our way…

shows footage of Dib watching T.V.

…There's only one hero who can save us all…

shows GIR dancing to DDR

DDR Overload 5...coming soon to a video store near you.

"Master! I can't feel mah legs!"

"Get used to it, GIR."

"Salad bars with chicken have my vote!"

Piggies in pirate suits start dancing to the Can-can

End of ad! Yay! I needed to break the tension. Ok, anyway…(mayonnaise!)

"I must sing Christmas carols now!" Zim said.

"What?" Tak said.

"The answer is North Dakota!"

"What?!"

"Green is not the color of fire trucks!"

"Just set up the traps, you moron!"

"Fine then."

So Zim went down to his lab and brought down the rat traps. (Remember the radioactive ant incident? You know, when the news people asked you to buy the rat traps?)

He set down the rat trap with some cheese. Amazingly, she fell for it. A net fell on her head. She struggled until she gave up.

"I knew you wanted me, Zim."

"No, I don't."

GIR looked at Mimi. She looked prettier than a toaster. Mimi looked back at GIR. He looked handsomer than a chair.

GIR ran out of the room and came back with a refridgerator. "I luvs you. Will you marry me?" GIR asked.

"Yes!" Mimi cried.

So Mimi and GIR had a huge wedding, with Zim, Tak, some piggies, and some random people off the streets.

"GIR, do you take this woman…err…SIR unit to be your lawfully wedded wife," said Bill Clinton, the priest/ex-president.

"I do," GIR said.

"Mimi, do you take GIR to be your lawfully wedded husband?"

"I do!"

"Then I now pronounce you man…SIR unit and wife. You may now kiss the bride."

They kissed. Then everyone started dancing. And then there was a huge cake fight. Then the piggies started dancing the Can-can.

Da End!

Or is it?…

Dun dun dun…


	13. Chapter 13

In the last chapter, GIR married Mimi. But why would I tell you that if you've already read it? Did you just skip ahead? DID YOU?!ANSWER ME!ANSWER ME!!

Ok, sorry. Anyways, GIR and Mimi went on a two-week honeymoon at Bloaty's Pizza Hog. (The manager said they could stay there as long as they could bear the stench of the freezer, which had been broken for a month now. They'd had so much fun, watching the romantic concerts of those robot animals that usually freak everybody out, and they rode the horsey ride for so many quarters to the point that the machine was near the point of breaking. Come to think of it, the ride wasn't exactly in mint condition to begin with.

Disclaimer: I don't own Invader Zim, nor do I own any other brands I just so happen to mention. But now that you're reading this, I own your attention! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAAAAAAAA!!

Chapter 12: GIR Tells His Adopted Juice Box Children Stories Of Nonsense.

When they got home. Zim was still cleaning up from the juice-box-and-tofu -burger-fort-incident, plus the Obsessive-Mimi incident. Tak sat on a nearby chair, eating carrot sticks. Abraham Lincoln was playing checkers with a beaver. (A/N: I don't remember the name of that ad company, but I think it had something to do with either sleeping pills or an insurance company. If you know where it came from, please let me know!)

"I demand cheese sticks!" Zim shouted.

"What is WRONG with you?" Tak asked.

GIR burst in through the door, carrying Mimi and a box of pizza in his arms.

"Master! I'm home!"

"GIR! Where have you been? You know that I need you to help me clean up this mess!"

"Oh, GIR! I want children. Then we can be a happy meatball family!" Mimi said.

GIR picked up three juice boxes.

"They're beautiful!" Mimi exclaimed. What should we name them?"

"This one should be named Moosey, this one should be named Waffles, and this one should be named Master Junior!"

"I like those names!"

"I tell them stories now! Gather 'round the fire, children!"

"There is no fire," Mimi pointed out.

"Gather round the mess, then! I has a story to tell yous.

COMMERCIAL BREAK (Hey, TV shows usually take a commercial break when the action starts to get good, so why not me? BWAHAHAHAHAHAAA! Pure evil!)

It's late at night. Zim is listening to GIR screaming and running around the house shooting bacon strips out of his head.

Oh, God, here it comes. The worst commercial in the history of horrible, brain-snapping commercials.

"Head on! Apply directly to the forehead! "Head on! Apply directly to the forehead! "Head on! Apply directly to the forehead! "Head on! Apply directly to the forehead! "Head on! Apply directly to the forehead! "Head on! Apply directly to the forehead! "Head on! Apply directly to the forehead! "Head on! Apply directly to the forehead! "Head on! Apply directly to the forehead! "Head on! Apply directly to the forehead! "Head on! Apply directly to the forehead! "Head on! Apply directly to the forehead! "Head on! Apply directly to the forehead! "Head on! Apply directly to the forehead! "Head on! Apply directly to the forehead! "Head on! Apply directly to the forehead! "Head on! Apply directly to the forehead! HEAD ON! APPLY DIRECTLY TO THE-"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Zim screams. "The MADNESS! MAKE IT STOP!"

"Tired? Try Tylenol PM!™" The announcer voice says.

Zim takes Tylenol™. He breaks out in a horrible rash.

"Glarrg…ughh…help! Gag…" He starts choking meanwhile GIR shoots bacon like a machine gun. A logo appears on the screen. You hear Zim choking off-camera.

"Tylenol PM™! When you need nighttime relief for nighttime pains."

END AD! (Well, that wasn't so bad, now was it?)

"It all started with a flyin' squirrel named Jimmy. One day, Jimmy talked to his best friend named Boris the Mongoose. I LIKE CHEESE!"

" 'Hi there!' said Jimmy

"'Hola!' said Bob. 'You wanna go out for a taco?'

'Sure! I get my taco-eating hat!'

"So then they went down to the Krazy Taco. They rode ponies there. No, they rode unicorns. No, they rode fishies! I know! They rode giant unicorn fishies to Krazy Taco! But when they got there, the place was all broken, kinda like right now!"

"GIR! Help me clean up NOW!"

"So they asked a talking fish, 'What happened? And why is there no bananas?'

'A giant peanut butter sammich attacked the Krazy Taco! You must stop it!'

'But how?' Jimmy asked.

'I dunno.'

"So they saw giant sammich. It was in the middle of destroying MacMeaty's.™!"

'Mr. Sammich,' Bob said, 'Will you please stop destroying stuff?'

'No! I don't wanna!' The giant sammich say.

'Why not?'

The sammich sighed. 'I feel angry.'

'Just do what I do when I feel angry; knit a sweater from cat hair!' Jimmy say.

'You know, that don't sound bad. I should try that!'

"So six months later, the giant sammich made a sweater out of cat hair and pocket lint! THE END!"

"Shh…" Mimi said, "They're asleep."

"Aww… they look so cute when they's asleep."

"GIR! I told you ! Help me-" Zim started.

"Shh!" Mimi and GIR shushed together.

"What's happened to you, Mimi?" Tak said.

Well, that was short, so I'll just add another fake add to use up valuable space in the universe. Yes, the internet counts as space. MOTOR OIL!

GIR is at the mall with two old ladies and one in her forties. They are at one of those free sample stands.

"Excuse me," One of the old ladies says. "I've had 439 of this Fiber One yogurt, and I still don't think there's…BURP…any fiber in it."

"Sure there is, ma'am. It's on the box!" The clerk says.

"You mean we have to eat the box to get the fiber?" the other old lady asks.

Before the clerk has a chance to speak, GIR starts eating all the boxes of yogurt behind the stand. He stuffs his face with them.

3 hours later…

"Mmm…GLOMP! Mmm…"

Everyone in the store stares at GIR. He finally finishes eating the yogurt.

"…umm…no, ma'am. You don't have to eat the box."

"But the box tastes better than the yogurt," GIR says.

The clerk glares at GIR. Giant piggies start shooting thunderbolts at him.

Fun activity: How many crumbs are in your sandwich? In a birthday cake? In a wedding cake?


	14. Chapter 14

If there's one thing i love more than writing this fanfic, it's Halloween. Ah, yes. The horror stories (wait, I read those all year) the candy, and getting to dress up in costume. Oh no, I still don't have a costume! I GOTTA GET ONE! AHHHHH!! panics and runs in circles

Disclaimer: I don't own Invader Zim, Frankenstein, K-9 Advantix, Red Bull, the Matrix, Oscar Mayer Wieners, a pair of size-8 sneakers, or just about anything else I mention. SOCK MONKEYS! Also, invaderzimfannumber1 gave me the ideas for the K-9 Advantix and the Never-ending song,(which I also don't own.) so give her some credit. OMG! Look over there! It's Edward! Hi Edward!

Chapter 14 (?): FrankenGIR:

But first, A fake ad:

GIR starts singing to the tune of the K-9 Advantix theme song;

"Hello Master, Hello Piggy,

Ticks and Mosquitos is really itchy (Ok, it doesn't EXACTLY rhyme)

Thanks for the package, that's why I singin'

K-9 Advantix quickly stops all the stingin'

But it makes my mouth really dry, and I been eatin' truckloads of pie

I wanna show you my new s'plodin trick

Thanks again for sendin' me K-9 advantix!GIR runs around in circles, screams, explodes, then gets back together.

"See? Lookit what I can do! Am I on TV? HI THERE! WEEEEE!!"

End Ad.

Our story begins on planet Conventia, where you can buy cheap useless junk! (this ad brought to you buy Conventia- buy our cheap useless junk!) Zim was ready to receive his SIR unit, when the Tallest had hatched an idea.

A very clever idea…

A very veeeery clever idea…

A very very very clever idea…

A very very very very clever idea…

A very very very very veeeeeeeerryyy ...You get the idea.

The tallest looked in the trashcan for a brain for the SIR unit. He fished his hand around to pull out some junk. Little did he know that that junk that was no ordinary junk. You see, the bin that came out of the floor was the "abnormal" bin. (dun dun dun…)

The SIR unit lay on its side. It seemed not to work. The Tallests tried to hold back their laughter.

"GIR reporting for duty," the SIR unit said.

"It's alive…It's alive…IT'S ACTUALLY ALIVE?!" Tallest Red Gased

"GIR? What's the G stand for?" Zim asked.

"I don't know," it replied. Everyone stared at it. It started banging its head. "Wheeehoohoohoo! Wheeehoohoohoo!!"

"Is it supposed to be stupid?" Zim said.

"It's not stupid; It's advaaaaaanced," Tallest Purple replied.

In the ship. GIR started singing.

"This is the song that never ends

Yes it goes on and on my friend

Some people started singing

And not knowing what it was

And they'll continue singing it forever

Just because it is the song that never ends

It is the song that never ends-"

"Wrong song," someone from behind the camera whispers.

"Oh yeeeeeaahhh…I'm gonna sing the doom song now! Doom doom da doom doom…" And so on.

Six months later…

"…Doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doomy doomy doom." An innocent song of doom, yes? No. Zim didn't see the suspicious purple flashes in GIR's eyes after three months of flying.

So Zim landed on Earth built the base, etc. etc. Life was almost normal, for Zim anyway.

Except for those purple flashes.

It seemed to be a normal day. GIR was in the middle of The Scary Monkey Show.

"GIR! Quit fooling around! Fetch me the guinea pigs"

"Aww…can't I do it when it goes to commercial?"

"Now, GIR!"

Zim was working on a device that electrifies guinea pigs. Aww…look at da widdle guinea pigs! Ahem! It was big and scary, and…oh, just picture it like something from Frankenstein or something, this _is_ a parody of it after all, ya know?

"GIR! I'm going to turn the Electro-Guinea Pig-atron 5000! Whatever you do, DON'T TOUCH IT!"

But alas, GIR did not hear this warning. He was listening to The Scary Monkey Show Movie Soundtrack! (Track 513: The Monkey Screeches). He hummed along as Zim pulled the switch.

GIR looked at the guinea pig and said: "Ooh! Lookit da pretty bird!" He ran to pet it just as Zim pulled the trigger.

"Yes…yes…yes! It's working!"

And the sparks flew. The guinea pig's hair raised up, and GIR's would've, only it didn't because he doesn't have hair. GIR screamed.

And then……………………………

And now, I come to annoy you by bringing a commercial break to hold your tension. What will happen to poor GIR? Find out after this obnoxious commercial message!

Red Bull make you feel tired? Not full of energy to your body's capacity?

"Hi! Lookit me! Am I on TV? Whoooooooooo!!" GIR says.

Try Hypnotic Obeying Green Ferret!

GIR sprouts rockets from his feet and bursts into outer space screaming "WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!

"GIR! You can stop screaming now! The humans won't buy this stupid Earth product and we won't be able to take over this filth planet!

GIR is zooming past Neptune. I like monkeys!

End Ad.

And now, back to our feature presentation. Dun da da duuuuuunnn! Did that ad annoy you? I sure hope so! I'm just stalling you so I can still hold your suspense. Yup. Stall, stall, stall. That's what I'm doin'. Yup. Just stalling here. M'kay. I'm gonna get on with the story now. Now…here we go…with the story…in which I am stalling you. Yep. Hey, did you notice that I am wasting your life as I write this. I wouldn't eat that cake, by the way. Do you even know what your brother put in it?

And then…

And then nothing happened, really. GIR stayed the same.

"GIR! I told you not to touch that!"

"I like hotdogs!"

"Now I'll have to start the whole experiment all over again," Zim sighed.

GIR ran out the door and into the city.

"Hmm…" Zim pondered. "Should I go get him or start over the experiment? Hmm…"

5 hours later…

"Hmm…Nah, I'll work on my experiment," He finally decided.

And so, he worked…and worked…MUSHROOM!

One week later…

GIR entered through the door with a sombrero, a fake moustache, a Scary Monkey Show t-shirt, and cabbage in arm.

"GIR? Where have you been?"

Flashback

GIR is running around the town at a mall plaza

"Cow-flavored laundry machines! PICKLES! PICKLES!!"

"Excuse me," an innocent villager said, "What are you doing?"

"Hee hee hee…MORSE CODE!"

"Are you lost?"

"You got any tacos?"

"No. But don't you-"

"WAAAAAAHHH!!"

The man randomly went insane and walked away on his hands.

"I wish I was an Oscar Mayer wiener,

…dadadadadadadadadadadaaaaaa

'Cuz if I was an Oscar Mayer wiener,

Then everyone would me in love with meeeeeee…" GIR sang.

"Why are you singing?" asked a lady with a baby carriage filled with bananas.

"I like makin' waffles, lady!"

"Okay then…" she replied, walking off into the nearest cabbage store. GIR followed her in and took some cabbage. My favorite soup is minestrone.

GIR spotted some teenagers walking down the mall…fashionably with dramatic music. They walked and waved their hair in slow motion. (I'd recommend the Ultra-Peepi song right about now.)

GIR approached them. "Do you have monkey lice?" He asked.

"No!" One of them said. "My hair is perfectly free of any flaws, as well is my face, my body, and my limbs. I am beautiful! BOW BEFORE ME!"

GIR squirted her with a packet of ketchup. She screamed and ran away. Hey, she probably deserved it.

So for a week, GIR disturbed the innocent mall shoppers. He climbed on top of the fountain and roared.

"Get 'im!" Someone shouted.

So they all started chasing him. He went into a souvenir shop to buy a disguise and ran all the way home.

end flashback

"…and so _that's_ why I was gone!"

Zim stood there, inarticulate. (Inarticulate: speechless. I just learned that in English. )

"You can thank me!"

"GIR! Do you realize what you've just done!?"

"Bagels?"

"Now the humans will find the base! We're doomed!"

"Yay!"

"Quickly! Pack up, before-"

They heard a banging noise from the door. Loud shouting came from the crowd.

"Get 'im!"

"Use his head as a coffee table!"

"I eat armadillos!"

The crowd stood silent at that last comment. Then activity resumed.

"Too late," Zim said quietly.

The angry mob crashed through the door. They came in holding torches, pitchforks, and giant weenies on sticks.

GIR and Zim ran away. Far, far away, as fast as their legs could take them.

Epilogue:

Zim and GIR somehow ended up at a Krazy Taco in Chattanooga, Tennessee. (It's scary that even though it's the weekend, I still remember what I learned in school. School has made me a zombie, I swear.) GIR ate a whole lotta tacos until he puked.

Gaz kept picking on Dib, who was really suspicious of Zim and searched all over Canada. My friend is Canadian.

Keef probably went a little nuts.

The Scary Monkey Show released a sequel to The Scary Monkey Show Movie. It was a major box office hit.

I bought more GIR stuff, being the freakish GIR-obsessed fan that I am.

Your Mom will get you a sweater vest for Christmas.

Apple released a new iPod that stores up to 10 million songs and shoots lasers!

Next Chapter: Umm…Well, I don't wanna ruin it for ya.

Happy (Early) Halloween!

Fun Activity: Count all the consonants in this story (NO CHEATING!)


	15. Chapter 15

Not too long ago, I had to read The Tell-Tale Heart by Edgar Allan Poe in English class, and I wanted to make a parody of it, perfect for Halloween. I LUUUUVV Halloween! I finally found a costume! The downside; I have to explain it to everyone, so here goes; I'm going to wear a dress and a mask from a masquerade ball, only under the mask, I paint my face dead. Neat, huh?

Disclaimer: Really? I was thinking we could just get on with the story. Oh, fine. I don't own Invader Zim, The Tell-Tale Heart, Pop-Tarts or a moose. I own a Mini-moose wrist band, though. GO MINI-MOOSE! I also don't own Proactive, so what? It didn't work on me.

WARNING! CONTAINS SENTANCES THAT MAY OR MAY NOT INVOLVE LOGIC AND IS NOT TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY!!!!!!!!!!

Claimer: I like cereal…

…That squeaking. That horrible squeaking. How did the robot thing get into my house, anyway.

Let me tell you about my self. I'm Dib, and I'm not insane. Oh sure, you may think I'm mad, but I'm not. Zim is too an alien! But that's not the point I'm trying to make here. I'm sane, I can prove it! Listen to how calmly I can tell you this story…

It all started eight days ago. I was using my camera to spy on Zim. He was working on a doom-bringing device. I was too focused on what he was doing to notice that the robot was gone. The robot didn't matter, right? Wrong. Dead wrong.

I was spying on Zim when I heard a squeaking coming from under my bed.

Squeak, squeak.

"It's nothing," I told myself.

The squeaking continued.

"…just…nothing…"

HI THERE!"

I jumped. "Aaaah!"

"You have a big head!" It was the robot.

"What are you doing here?"

"Master told me to go play with you! You gonna eat those crayons?"

"I look around my room. "I don't have any crayons around here."

The robot just eats all my pictures of Zim.

"No! Don't eat those!" But it was too late. My only proof of Zim was gone. At least I still had my camera…

"Mmm! What's this thing!"

…never mind.

"Dad! Zim's robot is in my room!"

"Not now, son!"

"But dad-"

"Shush!"

The robot squeaks a pig. A squeaking rubber pig. The pig brings back memories…horrible, HORRIBLE MEMORIES! (A/N: Bad Bad Rubber Piggy. I like pie!) I shudder.

"Could you stop squeezing that pig?" I ask.

He doesn't listen and squeaks it with his tongue out. Suddenly, something jumped out from under my bed.

I ask again, "Please stop."

It ignores me.

"Go home," I tell it.

He squeaks the pig even louder.

"Come on!"

He lays on the floor, squeaking the horrid pig.

"Go home!"

"Okay!" It finally replies, using rocket boosters from its feet to fly home. Finally the problem is solved. I can continue spying on Zim. No more squeaking, right?

Wrong.

"Son! It's 10:00! Go to sleep!"

"But Dad-"

"Now…"

"Oh, alright."

I turn off the lights and get in bed. Something doesn't feel right. That…that squeaking…I still hear it. I turn on the lights and look under my bed. No robot there. I look around the room. Nope. So why am I hearing that squeaking?

I turn the lights back off.

Squeak, squeak.

I turn them on again. No robot or pig anywhere.

I turn them off. I reassure myself that there's no pig. I have a little trouble, but I finally fall asleep.

Next morning…

"Hey Gaz, pass the FrankenChokies."

Gaz hurled the FrankenChokies right at my head.

"Oof!"

"You're welcome!" she shouted.

Right as I chewed down on my cereal, I heard a squeak.

Nothing…

I tried biting down again, hearing the squeak. Every time I chewed down, I heard the incessant squeaking.

Later that night…

The squeaking…the horrible squeaking. I see nothing. Nothing but a pig. No, two pigs. Three. Four. Five, six, seven . They're multiplying too fast! They're smothering…me.

"Gah!" I wake up. "It's settled then. I must destroy the pig!"

"Dib! I'm sleeping!" Gaz shouts from her room.

"Sorry."

For six nights, I try to break into Zim's base, but every time I remember why I break in, I stop in my tracks, and the robot gnomes shoot me. Oh, and I randomly started to float. (A/N: That didn't actually happen in the story)

Finally, on the seventh night, I found the concentration to sneak carefully past the robot gnomes. I snuck in Zim's base ever so cleverly…

FAKE AD TIME!!! (I bet you just _loooovvvee_ these)

*GIR's voice comes on. A girl with acne appears on screen.*

"Do you have…uh, Master? What dat word say?"

"Acne, you fool!" Zim whispered.

"Oh, ok! Do you have acne, you fool?"

Zim slapped his head in frustration.

"Then try ProActive™!

*Girl puts ProActive™ and her acne is magically cured. _Magically! Like Magic! TOENAILS!*_

"Wow! I'm magically cured! Magically! It worked!"

"I can't believe it actually worked," someone behind the camera whispered.

"Try ProActive™! It really works! I…hey, what's happening to my face!?!"

*camera switches to a bottle of ProActive™ with a halo and wings*

"My face…it's imploding! Ahhh! Aaaahh! AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!"

*Because I don't want to change the rating, GIR's voice comes over an faint exploding noise*

"Yep…Am I on TV? WOOOO!!! HI! LOOKIT WHAT I CAN DO! *GIR stands on his head*

"Hmm…"Zim wonders. "Perhaps I could use this…this ProActive™ as a lethal substance to humans! Zim shall conquer EARTH!"

End Annoying Ad

Back to the story.

…and I snuck into the robot's room. For some reason, there were tacos all over the floor. It was a good thing that it slept heavily. I mean really, he could sleep through a heavy metal concert, amps volume all the way up. You know, I've never been to a concert…

I'm getting off-topic. I'M NOT CRAZY I TELL YOU! THE HORRIBLE MOSQUITOES!

I crept up to the bed. Slowly, calmly. I carefully slipped the pig out from under his arms. He turned and muttered something.

"No, Mr. French Toast, I don't want more sugar in my tea. You got any tacos around here? I LIKE POP-TARTS! They is the toaster pastries of my dreams!"

Okay…I crept and ran home.

Once I got home, I dashed straight up to my room. Zim's an alien, you know.

"Now," I said, "I will destroy this…the…the…the…the…the…

Perhaps I should mention that the mental doctors diagnosed me with a slight stuttering disorder.

"…the pig!" I finished. I ran to the kitchen to get a knife.

"Steady your hands, Dib," I told myself. "Steady…"

And thus, the deed was done. I thrust my knife into the pig and ripped away. Stuffing flew in the air, along with the stench of old tacos. I ripped it apart limb by limb until I got where I wanted to get: the squeaker. I ran to the backyard and grabbed a shovel and dug as fast as I could. I threw the remains of the pig into the pit and filled up the hole, careful to make it look inconspicuous. I was drenched from the rain when I got back inside. I looked at the clock. Three A.M. Now I could finally sleep in peace…

But I couldn't. I tossed and turned, but all I heard was the squeaking. The hideous squeaking…

"Calm down," I told myself. "It's done. No more squeaking now."

But it was there, faint. "Maybe it's just Dad working down in the lab."

Just then, I heard a knock at the door. I opened it. It was Zim.

"GIR's been crying about for the last five hours about his stupid pig. He thinks you might have something to do with it!" Zim shouted, as the robot was screaming and crying really loudly."

"WAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!"

"Me?" I answered nervously. "What would I have anything to do with this?"

"The security camera showed a figure stealing the pig in GIR's room at 11 P.M. He thinks it's you, because the figure's giant head."

"MY HEAD'S NOT BIG!!!…I mean…of course. Search all over the house. You'll find no pig here!

So he did. Which I probably shouldn't have done, because he tore up some pictures I had of him without his disguise. As I followed him, I heard the squeaking grow louder and louder. _Squeak…squeeeeeekkkk….SQUEEEEEEEKKKKKK…_

"_Enough! I cried. "I did it!" I ran over to the backyard and dug up the remains of the pig. "Are you happy now!?! Just stop the squeaking!" _

"_Ok!" The robot shouted. Apparently, he had bought another pig._

_And so that's how I got in this asylum. But I'm not crazy, I tell you._

_I'm not crazy._

_Fun Activity: Try to count the number of varieties of witch costumes at your local costume store! FUN!_

_Happy Still-Early Halloween! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!_


	16. Chapter 16

I hope you had a happy Halloween! I luvvv Halloween with a capital W! Anyway, after eating a lot of Halloween candy while working on a school project at 2:AM, (Why would I do such a feat, you may ask? Good question…too bad I don't have an answer for you!) I got a crazy idea. I might as well explain the project…I had to find a way to explain the U.S. Constitution and the seven principles…or something like that. So anyway, I chose a group of superheroes I made up myself, blah blah blah.. Anyway, I decided to make three heroes that may be familiar to you: Me, as the Taco…Angel…thing, (federalism)GIR,(checks and balances) and Piggy (republicanism). When I designed my costume hero person, I had a major creative rush *coughSUGARRUSH!cough* and came up with this next chapter. Oh and guess what? I write myself in yet another chapter. Whee.

Disclaimer: I don't own Invader Zim, Geico, Mastercard, or any of the fake ads I use. Invaderzimfan1 gave me the idea for the Geico ad, so give her some credit. 

Claimer: I do own the Taco Angel. Does anybody have some chocolate? I like chocolate. I AM THE WORLD'S FIRST MEAT-FREE TACO-BASED HERO! YAY!

Chapter 16 (I think): Taco Angel to the Rescue!

It all started when I ate a radioactive meat-free taco. 

*flashback*

I'm at a Del Taco, where I usually eat the bean and cheese burritos, with mild salsa. Mmm…salsa…*drools* Huh? Ok, I'm getting off topic here. But anyway, I look up at the menu. Meat-stuffed taco, meat stuffed burrito…hey, what's that? Meat-free taco. Mmm, that sounds good. I walk up to the cashier.

"I'll have a meat-free taco, please," I order.

"Three-eighty-five."

I fish out the money from my GIR purse and pay the guy.

_Three Dull Minutes Later…_

_I'm staring outside the window. There are a bunch of teenagers smoking outside. But since my normal life is so dull, I'm going to lie and say that there are some squirrels doing the Macarena. After all, what would you rather see, a bunch of teenagers smoking, or squirrels doing the Macarena? Me, I'd rather-_

"_Number 37!"_

_I pick up my order and get back to my table. Huh. That's funny. Last I remember, tacos didn't glow green. Maybe it's the tofu._

_I take a bite. Not bad. Hey, I also don't remember getting headaches from them either. Oh…my stomach. Hey what's happening…Hey! AHHHHHHH!!!!!!_

_I look around me. Everyone is running away. I look at myself in the mirror…_

_HOLY APRICOT-GLAZED DWIGHT EISENHOWER! THIS CAN'T BE ME!_

_My…my clothes! I'm wearing a dress that looks sort of like a taco. My gloves and boots also look like tacos. I have black wings, bat wings. For some reason, my dress reads "Federalism." Federalism? What does THAT have to do with anything? I'm a freak of nature! Well, okay. That hasn't really changed so much._

_I run out of Del Taco and look around. This place looks familiar, but it's not home…_

_And now, time for a fake ad to annoy you all! (Fuuuuuunnnn)_

_A microphone is held to GIR's mouth. He is talking to this possum in an English accent._

"_Oh, sure, Geico can save you 'undreds of dollahs."_

"_Oh really? "Sure! But, um… can you help me? It's oh so very cold in here." We hear a metallic knocking coming from GIR's stomach._

" '_Ello? Anybody there?"_

_End ad! (Well, that was short, so here's another one."_

_Announcer guy:_

"_GIR Jacket: $35_

_GIR T-shirt: $25_

_GIR Keychain: $4_

_Meeting your hero in person: priceless._

_I, along with a group of other fan-girls, chase GIR all around the mall._

"_For some things, money can't buy. For everything else, there's Mastercard._

_And now, back to the story. But seriously, I could use some GIR stuff. BUY ME STUFF!_

_It seems familiar. I've been here before, but I can't quite recall. It's on the tip of my tongue-_

"_GIR! I told you! We are not here for tacos! Get away from that Krazy Taco!"_

_Krazy Taco? I wasn't at the Krazy Taco._

_GIR sees me in front of the…Krazy Taco? He pushes me out of the front door. "Outta mah way, weird lady! I gonna eats me a taco! (GIR's grammar is enough to make English teachers cry and pull their hair out. Heh. I'd like to see that.)_

_Oh, now I remember. I remember all too well. GIR runs all around the restaurant and spots the glowing green taco. _

"_No!," I cry, "Don't eat that!" but alas, I am too late. He eats the whole thing in one bite._

_Ka-blam! The building explodes. And for added fun, I shall add more sound effects. Boom! Smash! Wham! Florf!"_

_GIR rises from the green smoke. He looks pretty much the same, except for the red cape and mask. He has the word "Republicanism" on the cape. What is with these weird words?_

_Zim walks out the door and continues doing whatever he was doing before this. _

_I look at GIR. "What's happened to us?"_

"_Blabbllebleablaaa" GIR babbles._

"_Okay…"_

_Suddenly we hear a crash coming from somewhere. Screaming follows. _

"_I don't know what's going on, but we should probably help them."_

"_Blablleeaablaa!" Now he makes funny faces. Even at such in a time of crisis, I can't help but to laugh. _

_I grab his stubby (cute!) little arm and flap my black wings._

_At the crime scene…(I love making stuff like a comic book! If only I could draw this! Maybe I will one day…)_

_I look up. (Speech bubble) OMG! A GIANT LIZARD!_

"_I'm a GECKO!" Says the gecko in an English accent. "Get Geico or ELSE!"_

"_The GEICO GECKO!" I gasped._

"_ROOOOAAAARRRRR!!!!!!"_

"_ROOOOAAAARRRRR!!!!!!" GIR imitated._

_And now, an epic battle scene._

_I strike a blow at the Gecko. Nothing. I hit it some more. Nothin'. And because it's not NEARLY as exciting as actually getting to draw them,(NOT THAT I WOULD KNOW?!?!) I will just write in some more sound effects._

_Wham! _

_Ka-Pow!_

_Whoosh!_

_Punch!_

_Kick! _

_Smack!_

_Oof!_

_Crash!_

_Dance!_

_Monkey!_

_Gary Coleman!_

"_Nooo!!!" The Geico gecko shouts his final words. I did it. I DID IT! I BEAT THE GEICO GECKO!_

_*End flashback*_

_So by day, I'm a normal…okay, not THAT normal, person living an almost normal life._

_Almost._

_But by night, I bring justice to the city, along with my partner, GIR. I feed the mouth of crime with the meat-free tacos of justice. (Make sense to ya?) _

_Who am I?_

_I am…_

_I am…_

_I am…_

_I am…_

_I'm The Taco Angel of Federalism. _

_Fun Activity Time! How many Tootsie Rolls did you get for Halloween? How much candy did you get overall? Next Chapter: GIR and Taco Angel meet the League of Good-Bringers and Justice Piggy! _

_Well, probably not…_


	17. Chapter 17

It seems that Obama has won the presidential election! Congrats! Well, whoever you support, here's a belated Election Day story that has absolutely nothing to do with Election Day!

By the way, it took me 442 licks to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop!

Disclaimer: Own Invader Zim I do not. Own I also not the song "Lonely Goatherd" from the Sound of Music. Invaderzimfan1 gave that idea to me. Own not I also Putty that is the Mighty or Geico.

Claimer: I wish I owned a giant mallet…like in the cartoons!

Chapter 17: The Super-Mega-Extra-Mammoth-Extra-Largely Epic Legend of the Potato Tree!

Zim was at the local supermarket shopping for weapons. Since he couldn't find any weapons, he settled for frozen meatballs. Hey, do you even _know_ what's in those meatballs?

" Four bucks," The cashier said.

"Bucks? What are these bucks? Are they some form of human sacrifice ritual? Tell MEEEEEEEEE!!!"

"Four dollars,"

"Oh, ok." Zim fished through his Earth-wallet and found…

Nothing. Some dust poofed out. Poof!

"Um…do you accept…" Zim looked around. "Dog-monster things?" He picked up GIR by the head. GIR was dancing to the background music, which was "Lonely Goatherd" from The Sound Of Music.

"One little girl in a pale pink coat heard, 'yodel-ay yodel-ay yodel-ay yodel-ay hee hoo'

"She yodeled back to the lonely goat herd, 'lady yodel-ay yodel-ay odeloo-'" GIR sang, off-key.

"Silence!" Zim shouted to GIR.

"Sorry, only cash, checks, or credit," the cashier replied.

"Grrr…"

"What did I do, Master?"

"It's your fault we don't have any money! If it weren't for your stupid tacos, we would still have moneys!"

GIR wasn't listening. He was attempting to hum the high notes of that song.

"Did you hear me?"

"Yodel-ay-eeeeeeeeeeee-"

"Come on! Let's go!" Zim shouted as he dragged GIR by the leash.

AD TIMEEEEEEE!!!

"Hi there, Billy Mays here, and boy, have I got a wonderful product for you! I-"

"Silence, screaming hair human! You are no longer in charge of this inform-ercial!" Zim shouts.

"Help! He's tying me up! Mmph! MMMMPPHHHH!!!"

Gir steps up to the camera, "Do you like sticky magic stuff that turns green? Try Miiiiiggghhhtyyy…What dat word say?"

"Putty," Zim says.

"Try Mighty Putty! It's _maaaaagicaaaalll!!!_ Just roll it around," GIR rolls around on the floor, rolling under the Mighty Putty. "Then, you stick it to anything broke!"

GIR sticks it to Dib's back.

"Hey! What are you doing?!"

"Then you take this hook thingy and stick it to da green stuff!" GIR sticks a hook attached to a tow truck. GIR hops into the truck and drives.

"Aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!" Dib screams. He is dragged away. "Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow. Ow. Ow." And the tow truck disappears into the sunset. The sun is shaped like a giant golden glowing taco.

End Ad!

Batman is hanging the Joker out from a window. It is a very epic, tense, string cheese-flavored (I'm probably using more adjectives than I should) moment. (A/N: In case you haven't seen it, this scene is from Batman: The Dark Knight. Awesome movie! Go see it!)

"And so Zim- hey…this isn't my story!"

"Um…no," says Batman. "And this movie doesn't have a narrator."

"Yeah, and you're kinda interrupting something very important right now."

"Oh. My bad!"

Ahem! Now back to my story.

Coming Soon to a theater near you…

Giant Robots…

Alien Zombies…

Three People…

A Wheel that could save their lives…

Wheel of Fortune

The Movie

Coming in 2009...

Be prepared…

What …the heck…was THAT?!?!?

Okay, let's try this again…

*random explosion*

"And that's why we don't play with fire, kids!" says…Barney. Okay, this is getting ridiculous. BARNEY THE FREAKISH TALKING PURPLE DINOSAUR?

"Wow," says this charred, burnt random kid. "That sure taught me a lesson! I will never play with dynamite and fire again!" Everyone laughs.

Ok…here we go…*crosses fingers*

"John Smith is a regular person, so we hired an actor to tell his story."

*John Smith and GIR appear on the screen*

"I was on the way to my cousin's wedding when a truck crashed into my car. GIR holds up two toy cars and crashes them. "Ka-boom! Whoosh! Whee! I can fly!"

"Then I called Geico."

GIR chases a nearby crow. "Birdie! Come back! You gotta play with me!"

"And I saved 15% on my car insurance."

"Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?!?!?!?!" GIR sobs.

Well, that wasn't helpful. One more time.

Zim was walking home, trying to think of a way to obtain the human Earth-moneys . GIR was dancing walking on his arms while singing Britney Spears songs and wearing a sombrero on his leg! (Yes! This is the right story! I did it!)

Meanwhile, Dib just "happened" to be walking with Gaz right in Zim's direction.

"What's the matter, Zim," Dib said, "Didn't find any groceries?"

"What are you doing, Dib-stink?"

"Oh, nothing…"

"Yes, well, I must go!" Zim said.

"Don't tell me you haven't heard of…the potato tree…"

"Potato tree? What is this…potato tree of which you speak of? Tell MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!"

"Dib! If you don't take me home right now, I will rip your eyeballs right out of their sockets and stuff them right up your-"

"Okay, okay!" Dib, said, not wanting to hear the end of that sentence. He and

Gaz walked away.

"Come on, GIR. Let's go." To Zim's acute shock, GIR was gone. "GIR? Hmm. He must be home already."

But GIR was not home. While Zim was intelligently conversing with Dib, GIR had vanished into an uncanny dimension of batteries. Good news! I finally got batteries for my remote! Congratulate me!

Anyway, Zim was in his lab, researching the Potato Tree.

"Computer! Search Potato Tree!"

"But, sir, there is no such thing as-"

"I said SEARCH!"

"Yes, sir…searching…SEARCHING!…"

The computer came up with an amusing idea.

"Potato tree: Potatoes usually grow on vines, but legend has it that if one finds this potato tree and eats its potato, they will be granted one wish."

"WISH! ZIM must have this wish!"

"But couldn't you just find a-"

"ZIM must find this potato tree! But where? WHERE IS IT?!"

The computer thought of something to add to his fun, "Try the mall. They have plenty of trees there."

At the mall…

Zim was looking all around for the potato tree. There were some small, wimpy trees, and one that GIR fell out of (for some reason, he was dressed just like Lucy from I Love Lucy), but no potato tree. 

"GIR, help me look for the potato tree!" 

"Lookit Piggy!" Piggy was dressed as Amy Winehouse.

"FOCUS!"

So they conducted an epic search throughout the mall for three super-epic hours in hyper speed, and to add humor, I shall play the Benny Hill theme song in the background. The Benny Hill theme song makes anything sound funny.

After the epic search, they finally found what they had been looking for. 

A glorious tree stood in front of a majestic, really shiny glow. Attached to it was a single, highly significant potato. (Big words…make brain…hurt…)

"At last!" Zim cried. ""The potato tree! Victory! Victory for ZIIIIM!!"

Zim took a bite out of the potato…in sloooooooooww moooooottttiioiooooooonnnnn…

Zim wishes for Earth-moneys!" Zim shouted quickly.

A mysterious white glow comes out, blah blah blah, and…

Drum roll please…

*drum roll*

Zim finds a five-dollar bill lying on the ground.

"YES!!!! ZIM IS RICH!" Zim does an Irken victory dance.

Dib stood there, shocked.

"Yeah, well I'll go to the video game store by myself, then," said Gaz, who walked away. GIR and Piggy followed her.

Moral: When the going gets tough, eating chocolate may or may not solve your problem.

Fun fact: I am currently writing a book on the exciting facts about sticky notes. For example, did you know that the sticky note was invented in 1386 by an orca whale by the name of Herbert J. Sprinkles? Or that Sticky notes were intentionally designed for hair removal? Or that I'm starting to get sleepy? It's all true…


	18. Chapter 18

_My brain meats melted into a puddle and as a result, I put four packets of Splenda in my tea, and as a result, I got __reeeeeaaaally_ sugar high. As a result, I decided to postpone the real next chapter to write this musical…thing. 

Even though it's a little early, I don't know how long it will take to write the second part (hopefully not long) so Happy Early Thanksgiving. Um…I guess you could call this a Thanksgiving treat.

Disclaimer: Boy, do I have a lot to disclaim here. I don't own Invader Zim, Happy Noodle Boy, The Nightmare Before Christmas, The Lion King, Coco's, Mastercard, I Can do Anything Better than You, Dora The Explorer, Lysol, Jack in the Box, or any of the songs I use.

Claimer: I hate math T_T.

Chapter 18: Sugar High! The Musical! (of no point)

GIR was watching the Scary Monkey Show Super Mega 5-Hour Song-Filled Special: The Musical! Filled with Song! (Long title, eh? No, I'm not Canadian! I have a friend who's Canadian, though. She knows the Canadian secret of grass-whistling! I could almost do it.)! Zim was watching too, since he felt he needed a break from building his greatest invention yet, the Doom Toaster -8000 (don't ask me why it's negative.) 

Suddenly, they were interrupted by an "Important" news bulletin. GIR cried for a few seconds but waited to watch.

"We interrupt this super-awesome musical to bring you an important news bulletin. We have signs of a tornado headed this way, category five, which is really strong and will probably kill us all, unless you evacuate now. Here's Stormy Rains with the weather!"

"Thanks, Ted. You see, this big swirly thing right here," he pointed to a little swirl that almost took up the entire map, "is a really big, strong tornado, and unless you evacuate now…

(sing to the tune of Yankee Doodle, but not out loud, or else you'll sound like a dork)

"A big tornado's coming down 

To bring us to our dooms

Unless you get out of here now,

You will soon be…doomed! (I suck at rhyming.)

Tornado John will kill us all 

And suck up all our houses

Destroy civilization

And eat up all our…mouses." (toldja so)

"Well, thanks for the forecast, Stormy, although I admit that you cannot sing at all."

"Thanks, Ted. I hate you and always have! Channel 4 news Live! Now back to your regular programming, and be sure to watch the Ultra-Delaying Scary Monkey Marathon!

Zim was confused. What was a tornado.

He ran down to his lab. "Computer!"

"What is it now…I mean, yes, sir?"

"What is a tornado?"

"Tornado: A massive cloud of hot air. It-"

"Why is it so important?"

The computer showed a simulation. A giant tornado headed for the base and smashed it into smithereens.

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!! My beautiful base! NOOOOO!!" Zim ran back upstairs, or rather, went up oin that elevator-toilet thing. 

"GIR! Pack up everything, before it's too late! I-"

Just then, they felt a strong wind blow out the door.

"Hurry!"

Tak and Mimi were there too. (Where and why they stayed, don't ask me.)

GIR ran to the nearest blender and hugged it. "I loves you, Piggeh! I loves you!"

"Ahem," said Mimi.

GIR ran up to Mimi and hugged her and the unplugged blender. They clutched their juice box children tightly.

And because she's not really important right now, Tak gets sucked into the same dimension as GIR was in the last chapter. 

Everyone else ran down to Zim's base. They watched the TV screen. 

Zim watched as his base was smashed to pieces,

And reassembled.

And smashed

And reassembled.

What was going on?

Zim rode up the toilet elevator thing to see what was going on.

"HOLY CHEESE-FLAVORED SOCK MONKEYS!!!"

The base was unharmed. Everything else was destroyed. Winged stalks of broccoli flew threw the air.

Wha…what's this?

Cue music: What's This from The Nightmare Before Christmas

"What's this ?

What's this?

There's smashed things everywhere

What's this?

What's this?

There's broccoli in the air

What's this?

I can't believe my eyes

I must be dreaming

Wake up, Zim, this isn't there

What's this?

What's this?

What's this?

There's something very wrong 

What's this ?

There's tacos singing songs

What's this?

The streets are lined with crazy people laughing

Everybody seems so happy

Have I possibly gone daffy?

What is this?

What's this?

There's children throwing paper 

Instead of throwing meat

Parents watching T.V.

And the ground is growing feet

There's icing on the windows

I can't believe my eyes

In my squeakily-spooch

I feel the puke 

It's coming from inside

Oh look

What's this

They're shooting taquitos

They miss

Why that looks so unique

Inspired,

They're gathering around a burning tire

Roasting pianos in the fire 

What's this?

(GIR dances in the background)

What's this?

In here,

They've got a little cow

How weird.

And who would ever think?

And why?

They're covering it with tiny little strings

That got electric moose that sing

And there's a smile on everyone

So now, correct me if I'm wrong

This looks too strange 

This looks too strange

Oh could it be an evil fish?

What's this?

Oh my,

Look now

The broccolis are asleep

But look,

There's something underneath

No cares, no people here to shout and scare them 

Or ensnare them, only waffles and some fish

Secure inside their dreamland

What's this?

Reality is missing 

And the saneness can't be found

And in this place there seems to be

Strange feeling all around

Instead of talk, I swear

I can smell wet dog in the air.

The sound of mariachi 

Is absolutely everywhere

The sights, the sounds 

They're everywhere and all around

I've never felt so sick before

My sickly stomach inside of me is filling up

I simply can-"

Zim runs to the nearest trashcan, which is shaped like a doorknob.

"I hate it, oh, I hate it

Oh I hate it, that I know

I've got to know

I've got to know

What has happened to this place?

What is this?" (Wow. What was in that tea, besides sugar?)

GIR looked at Zim. "Yay! Master's singing!"

"Huh?!?!" said Zim. "Zim does not sing!"

"You just were," Mimi pointed out.

"YOU LIE!"

"But-"

"SILENCE!"

And now, is COMMERCIAL TIME, with special guest, Happy Noodle Boy! *applause*

Handcuffs: $30

Happy Noodle Boy is being handcuffs. " I SHALL SUCK THE DOORKNOB PEOPLE FROM UPON THY HEAD!"

Straightjacket: $59

"GALILEO! GALILEO! ATTENTION DEFICIT DISORDER!"

Gun: $104 dollars

"I spit on your puny toaster Lysol knees!"

Killing him: Priceless

The policeman shoots Happy Noodle boy.

Some things money can't buy,

For everything else, there's-"

End-

"Bunnies! How many Batmobiles do we have left, Cap'n Crunch? " 

Happy Noodle Boy pokes the camera man. A random war ensues.

End Ad!

Suddenly, Tak came back, dressed like Dora The Explorer. 

(New sitcom idea: That Darn Dimension!) "What happened?"

"I don't know," said Zim.

"Hey!" cried a voice. It was Dib. "I bet Zim had something to do with it! Are you listening!" 

The passersby ignored him.

"For your information, Dib-stink, I had nothing to do with this whatsoever!"

"Wanna hear Master sing?" asked GIR.

"SILENCE GIR! ZIM HAS NEVER SUNG (sang?) IN HIS LIFE AND NEVER WILL!" Zim shouted.

"You? Sing? Yeah right! You couldn't even hum!"

"Oh yeah?"

"Anything you can do,

Zim can do better

I can do anything better than you"

"No you can't"

"Yes I can!"

"No you can't"

"Yes I can

Yes I can

Anything you can be, I can be greater,

Sooner or later,

I'm greater than you!"

"No you're not."

"Yes I am"

"No you're not."

"Yes I am"

"No you're NOT!"

"Yes I am! Yes I am!"

I can play a trumpet 

Eating Earth… Corn (I don't think I'll write much poetry when I grow up.)"

(Not singing) "Corn?"

Zim shrugged. "I don't know. Anyways,

"I can shoot a laser

While eating a razor-"

"WHAT?"

"It doesn't make sense to me, either.

"I can live on Irken bread and cheese"

"And only on that?"

"Yes!"

"So can a rat!"

"Anything you can reach 

I can reach higher

I can reach anything higher than you!"

"No you can't!" (As they are singing, they are jumping to reach power-ups, even though this isn't a video game. Oh look! A cherry! I must eat it now! *GLOMP!*)

"Yes, I can!"

"No, you can't!"

"Yes, I can!"

"No, you can't!"

"Yes, I can!"

"No, you can't

"Yes, I can!"

"No, you can't!

"Yes I CAN!" Zim wins that one because of his spider legs.

"Anything you can buy,

I can buy cheaper,

I can buy cheap with my smart saving skills!"

"That's not how the song goes," Dib points out.

"Oh yeah?

"Anything you can know,

I can know better,

I know the words to this

Better than you!"

"No, you don't!"

"Yes, I do!"

"No, you don't!"

"Yes, I do!"

"Uhh…uhhh…"

"Yes, I do

Yes I do!"

"I can eat a taco!

Faster than a moose!" GIR interrupts!"

"Butt out!" they shout! (hey, that rhymes!)

"I can sue a lawyer

Faster than Tom Sawyer!"

"I can sue him quicker

He'll feel even sicker!"

"I can open any safe!"

"Without being caught?"

"Sure."

"That's what I thought, you crook!"

"Any note you can hold,

I can hold longer

I can hold any note 

Longer than you."

"No, you can't!"

"Yes I can!"

"No you can't !"

"Yes I can!"

"No, you can't!"

"Yes I can

"Yes, IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII(all these I's are making me dizzy!)IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII-"

"No you CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN'T CAAAAN *cough cough* Yes you CAAAANNN!"

"Anything you can say,

I can say faster

I can say anything faster than you!" (Zim and Dib are getting faster now)

"No you can't"!

"YesI can!"

"Noyoucan't!"

"YesIcan"

"Noucan't!"

"YesICAN!" Zim wins that one too.

"I can jump a hurdle!"

"I can eat a turtle!" GIR butts in again. 

"I can tear a sweater!"

"I can rip it better!"

"I can do most anything!"

"Can you bake pie?"

"No."

"Well, neither can I!"

"Anything you can do,

Zim can do better,

I can do anything better than you!" 

"No, you can't!"

"Yes I can!"

"No, you can't!" 

"Yes I can!"

"No, you can't!"

"Yes I can!"

"No you can't can't can't!"

"Yes I can, can, can! 

Yes I can, No you can't!"

(Random useless fact: I heard this song off a paper towel commercial, or maybe it was toilet paper.)

Zim and Dib look at each other, confused.

"????????"

"I told you," said Mimi.

"Ha! Zim wins! I am ZIIIIIMMM!!!"

"Nuh-uh!" said Dib.

"Face it, Dib-monkey! Zim is superior! All shall bow down to meee!

"Shut UP!" Tak shouted. "Don't you realize that you were both singing?"

"Hey, she's right," Dib realized.

"Hmm?"

Commercial Time!

"At Coco's, we've got a whole bunch of brand-new items on our menu, such as our:

Scampi Pasta!

Scampi Shrimp Pasta!

Shrimp Salad!

Scampi Pasta Salad!

Scampi Shrimp Pasta Salad!

Scampi Pasta Steak!

Shrimp Steak!

Scampi Pasta Shrimp Steak Salad!

Cheesecake!

Scampi Pasta Shrimp Steak Salad Cheesecake!"

The camera zooms out on all that food. We see GIR stuffing his face with it.

"So come on down to Coco's today!"

Next Ad!

Jack from Jack in the Box is at a meeting with some random people.

"So, can anyone guess what's in my new Teriyaki Bowls? Hint: It has something to do with Teriyaki."

"Confetti?" asks a random guy.

"Starfish?" another guy asks.

"Packing peanuts?" says a random lady.

Jack pulls down the overhead projector and points to the Teriyaki Bowls.

"Assorted nuts?" 

"DVD players?"

"Elves?"

"My mother-in-law?"

"Hors D'erves?" (A/N: I don't know how to spell that. "Coins?"

"Jewelry?" 

"Pictures of George Clooney?"

"Salt?"

"Toast?"

"Salted Toast?"

"Sea Monkeys?"

"Eyeballs?"

"Corn Syrup?"

"Animal Fat?"

"Glue?"

"Rice?"

"Christmas decorations?"

"Explosives?"

"Mice?"

"Actually," Jack admits, "it's all of those things. But I was talking about my Teriyaki Salad with cooked rice. It's so savory, and-"

GIR bursts in through the door and runs all around the room and up the walls, defying gravity.

End Ad.

"Ooh, ooh! Me next!" cried GIR!"

"NO!" Everyone shouted in unison. 

Too late.

(To the tune of "I Just Can't Wait to Be King" from the Lion King.)

"I gonna get a chance to sing.

So I stand over there!"

"Well, everybody run away!

Everyone beware!" sings Zim.

"I gonna be da main event!

Like no moose was before!

I lookin up and lookin down!

I'm working on my ROAR!"

"Thus far, a rather uninspiring thing,"

"I just can't wait to get to siiiing!" GIR hits that last note off-key.

"You've rather a long way to go, so GIR, if you still think…"

"No one sayin do this!"

"Now when I said that, I-"

"No one saying be there!" Mimi sings.

"Look, what you don't realize-"

"No one saying see here!" Mimi and GIR sing together.

"Now see here!"

"Free to get to sing all day!"

"Now that's definitely out-"

"Free to do it all my way!!!" GIR sings off-key again.

"I think it's time that you and I

Arranged a little talk-"

"I'd get to sing and dance all day and never have to walk!"

"Is this is where this odd story is headed, count me out!

Out of service, out of ink toner,

I won't hang about…aagh!

This robot's getting wildly out of wing!"

"I just can't wait to get to sing!"

Musical interlude. Meanwhile, giant weenies and packing peanuts come along in the background and start dancing. GIR climbs on top of them.

"I just can't wait to get to sing!

Everybody look left

Everybody look right

Everywhere you look I'm

Standing in da spotlight!"

"Not yet!"

Chorus of packing peanuts and weenies; "Let every person go for broke and sing

Let's hear it in the herd and on the wing

It's gonna be GIR's bestest, finest fling

(GIR joins in) "I just can't wait to get to sing!

"I just can't wait to get to sing!

Oh I just can't waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit…to be kkkkkkiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnngggggggggggggg!!!!!" 

"This is just wrong," said Tak.

GIR runs up to one of the packing peanuts. "You is my new little brother!"

The packing peanut says nothing, because packing peanuts don't talk. 

Random Sticky Note Fact!: In an effort to raise environmental awareness, the Post-It company has cut down thousands of rare trees from the rainforest to make tree-shaped sticky notes to remind people that we need to save the environment.

"But what are we going to do?" said Dib. 

"Perhaps I can help," said a mysterious voice. Everyone looked around. 

"Was that you, Zim?"

"N…no."

"Gaz?"

Gaz looks up from her video game. "How did I get here?"

"Over here," said the voice. It came from GIR's new brother.

"Did you hear what I just heard?" said Dib, looking at Zim.

"I know who it was," said the packing peanut.

"Who was it?" asked Tak.

"Deep at the bottom of the ocean lies a secret society of evil packing peanuts. They call themselves The Evil Secret Society of Packing Peanuts. Down in their hidden lair, they manufacture billions of packing peanuts by the hour. Meanwhile, they discuss their evil plan to take over the world!"

"They must not prevail!" exclaimed Zim. "That's _my job!"_

"_This year, they plan to dominate Earth by turning it into a giant musical. That way, everyone would have to submit the world to them in order to stop the singing curse. I was all for the plan, until I heard there would be singing involved. I hate singing."_

"_Join the club," said Gaz._

"_So what do we do now?" asked Dib_

"_Now, we go to the Evil Secret Packing Peanut Lair."_

"_Now," GIR started to sing, "We is gonna swim wit da fishies-"_

"_STOP SINGING!" Everyone but Mimi shouted. Mimi was eating tasty Japanese rice snacks, like the ones I just had! Mmm…_

_At the submarine…_

_Everyone boards the ship. Mimi and GIR are the last. Mimi is just about to board when GIR stops her._

"_Wait! Toaster wife"_

_Mimi looked back. "Huh?"_

_GIR brought out a guitar and started to sing off-key._

"_Oh, my pretty wife!_

_You look like a pretty box of packing peanuts _

_You smell like a Sharpie_

_And you are worth more than a thousand donkeys!"_

"_Come on!" Zim said. "Let's go!"_

_GIR jumped aboard. Mimi's eyes started to water._

"_That…that was beautiful," she cried._

"_HURRY UP!" Zim called._

_Okay, this chapter is getting pretty long, so stick around for Part Two, and Happy (early) Thanksgiving to all! I'm going to skip the turkey, since I'm vegetarian. Still, I wish you a happy holiday, and do whatever you want on your break. Me, I prefer sleeping til noon and watching Youtube. _

_By the way, you know Kirby, the video game character? I think they named the vacuum after him. Or vice versa. Whatever._

_Now you wait in horrible suspense for Part two. What is going to happen? Will our heroes stop singing? Will the Evil Secret Society of Packing Peanuts take over the world? Ooooooooo…Hee heee heeee…I'm evil! XP_


	19. Chapter 19

I bet you were so anxious about what was gonna happen next. Well, I can tell you. Especially since nobody else in the world knows what I plan to write, besides a best-selling book on sticky note facts. My friends already knew about that. Ha, ha, you can't read my mind! Can you? O_o ?

Disclaimer: I don't own Invader Zim, The Little Mermaid, Twilight, or nearly anything in this fic, except for my brain meats. Honestly, if I owned Invader Zim, do you think I would be sitting here writing this fic? Of course not! It would probably be an episode or something.

Claimer: I'm bored. It would be cool if I knew Japanese. Then I could understand what I was watching.

Chapter 19: Sugar High! The Musical! Part 2:

At the bottom of the ocean…

"We're here!" said Dib.

"Thanks for the fact, Captain Obvious. I never would've known," Gaz sarcastically replied.

GIR inhaled deeply and music started to play.

"Da seaweed is always-"

"SHUT UP!" Zim shouted. "Now where is the Packing Peanut Base?""

"Shh!" hushed the packing peanut. "If they hear you mispronounce their name, they'll have your head served on a platter and burned in a fire."

"But how could they start a fire in the ocean?"

"Well, you get what I mean. Anyway, they're base is right below us."

Everyone looked down. Sand. Nothing but sand.

"Give me a minute," said the Packing peanut. You know what? Let's just call him Brad. It makes my life easier.

Brad felt around the floor with his foot…erm…where his foot should be. I dunno. He moved it all around the floor, walking…hopping…rubbing…MOVING around in circles.

"What's he doing?" whispered Tak.

Gaz shrugged. "Mmm."

"Aha!" said Brad. Everyone felt the ground trembling like GIR having a sugar rush, or me on sugar rush, in this case. The ground was instantly snatched from below their feet

"Aaaaaaahhh!" They screamed as they harshly fell to the ground. GIR embraced Mimi and the pig who randomly came with them.

"Wheeeeeeeee!" GIR cried in glee. "Do dat again!"

"Quiet," Brad whispered. He led them around a dimly lit hallway filled with torches. They had to be careful not to make too much noise, or else they would be caught and put to death. Packing peanuts can be vicious. Did you know that they drown 1200 children every year? And they have killed over 14,000 people in their sleep. If you currently own packing peanuts in your home, dispose of them immediately! They may be fun to play with, but let's see if you still think that after you wake up to find a packing peanut with a knife standing next to your pillow…

Finally, they reached a door with strange markings. The markings looked like packing peanuts.

"We're here," said Brad.

They looked around. A group of packing peanuts with green sashes tied around their heads…er…you know what I mean…sat in chairs.

"Intruders!" shouted one of them. They all picked up their green-sashed spears

"False alarm, guys," Brad said. He slipped a green sash on his head…thing. The packing peanuts sat back down. "Apparently, they've been affected too."

"Affected?" said Tak. "What do you mean?"

"About half of your world has already been affected with the singing curse," came the voice of a female packing peanut (how do packing peanuts even have genders anyway? Ah, well. This story isn't about logic, anyway. You want logic? Go watch the Wizard of Oz. Makes more sense than anything in this story.)

"If we don't stop it, it will cause the end of civilization as we know it," said the voice of a male packing peanut.

"But I thought they wanted to rule the world, not destroy it," said Zim.

"Well, whatever they plan on doing, it's not good," said Brad.

"That's why we are gathered here," said a packing peanut in a green robe. "We are the resistance. For years, they have planned to dominate the planet. We are here to foil their evil schemes."

"Sounds familiar…" muttered Dib.

"Say, do these packing peanuts have super weapons that I can use to dominate this puny dirtball?" said Zim.

"Umm…I guess," said Brad with a question mark over his head.

"Then we must STOP these evil fiends! So says ZIIIIIIIM!!!"

"Great. So what's your plan to stop them?" said Gaz.

"Umm…ern…well…we haven't thought of that part yet," said Brad with an anime sweat drop. I know, I know, but it seemed fitting.

"So, in other words, we're doomed," said Gaz.

"Well…umm…I wouldn't necessarily say that-"

"Face it, Brad. We're doomed."

"We're not doomed, Jeff. We just need to think of a plan. Now, how can we stop the

SSOEPP?"

"Twinkly twinkly leeeetle staaaar…"sang GIR. Everyone covered their ears.

"AGGGHH!! STOP SINGING!" shouted Zim.

"That's it!" said Brad. "You just gave me an idea!"

"Why, yes, I _am _brilliant!"

"Somebody get me a microphone. I've got an idea…"

Commercial time!

On November 21st…

Nothing will be the same…

A car comes up screeching fast, hitting Tak. Zim stands watching nearby.

(At the hospital…)

Tak wakes up. "You could've stopped that, you know!"

"Oh, I could have? Oops. I guess I was just too late," Zim says in a sarcastic voice.

(Scene changes to the Skool hallway)

"You're incredibly stupid…and fat-headed…I know what you are…"

"What? No you don't! I am a normal human Earth-pig!"

"You're IRKEN!"

"No I'm not!"

"I'm not stupid, Zim. I already knew you were Irken."

"Fool!"

(Scene cuts to parking lot again.)

Tak is chasing Zim with a giant mallet. Zim is screaming and running around the parking lot.

"DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE!" screams Tak.

"AAaaaaaaah!!!!"

Twilight

Now in theaters…

(Heh, heh. I REALLY wanted to make a parody of that. Hee hee heeeeee….. )

End Ad!

"Now," said Brad. "We sneak out to their secret lair."

And to skip a boring walking scene…

At the Secret Society of Packing Peanuts' Secret Lair…

Brad and the group burst in through the door. "Freeze!"

A group of packing peanuts in black pants stared at them, even though packing peanuts don't have eyes either. The walls were painted a deep shade of blue, as was the floor. One packing peanut stood up. It wore a red sash around its head, so it was assumed to be the leader.

"What do you want?" It asked.

"Well, we're here to help you with your plan," the female packing peanut.

"No, we're-mmph!" Everyone gagged Zim so that he couldn't finish that sentence.

"Yes. In fact, we've hired a singer that is so great, he could hypnotize the whole world with his voice! All we need is for you to broadcast him on the television."

"Oh, really? Then how about a demonstration?"

"Okay, then." Brad plugged the amp into the socket. Then he plugged the mike into the amp.

"Here." He handed the microphone to GIR. "Why don't you sing for him?"

"WOOOOOO!! Ok!

(music starts. Tune: Just Read The Song, You Moron)

(off-key)

"BARNEEEEEEEEY IS A DINOSAUR

FROM OUR IMAGINATION

AND WHEN HE FALLS

IT'S WHAT WE CALL

A DINO REVULTATION!"

_SCREEEEEEE!_ The microphone squealed. Everyone covered their ears. Mimi joins him.

"BARNEY'S FRIIIIEEEENDS IS BIG AND SMALL

THEY COME FROM CRAZY PLACEEEEESSSS

AFTER SCHOOL THEY MEET TO PLAY

AND SING WITH HAPPY FACES

BARNEY SHOWS US LOTSA THINGS

LIKE HOW TO BE PRETEND

ALE'S AND 4-5-3'S AND HOW TO EAT YOUR FRIEND

BARNEY COMES TO PLAY WITH ME

WHENEVER I CAN EAT HIM

BARNEY CAN BE YOUR FRIEND TOO WHEN YOU JUST GET TO EAT HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIMMMMMM!

The building quaked. The place was crumbling and caving in.

"You fool! What have you done?!?" cried the leader.

"I can sing reeeeeaal pretty, right?" said GIR.

"RUUUUN!!!" said Brad.

Everyone ran out of the cave as fast as they could. The Evil Secret Society of Packing Peanuts had almost made it out, but they didn't.

Zim's Lawn…

"Well," said Brad, "the ESSOPP has been defeated, and everything's back to normal."

"NORMAL!?!" said Dib. "The place is in ruins, we're all soaking wet, and you call this NORMAL!?!?!"

"Hey, it's not my problem. I live at the bottom of the ocean, so what do I care?"

GIR shook himself dry like a wet dog. "I wanna sing another song!"

"No, GIR," Zim firmly stated.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"No."

"Pweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeezeeee????" He gave out a cute sad puppy-dog face.

"Oh…all right."

(Music begins. Tune: Welcome to The Black Parade by My Chemical Romance. I was _dying to use an MCR song! I'm a fan…)_

_Brad starts singing._

"_When I was a young boy,_

_My father took me into the city_

_To see a marching band_

_He said, 'Son, when_

_You grow up_

_Would you be_

_The savior of the broken,_

_The beaten and the damned,'_

"_He said, 'Will you_

_Defeat them?_

_The demons_

_And all the nonbelievers_

_The plans that they have made?_

_Because one day_

_I'll leave you_

_A fish-thing_

_To lead you in the summer_

_To join the Foam Parade.'"_

_Everyone except Gaz and Tak: "When I was_

_A young boy _

_My father_

_Took me into the city_

_To see a marching band_

_He said, 'Son, when_

_You grow up,_

_Would you be_

_The savior of the broken_

_The beaten and the damned?_

_Because one day_

_I'll leave you_

_A fish-thing_

_To lead you in the summer_

_To see a marching band.'"_

_Gaz plays a guitar solo coming from the GameSlave. It can do that, you know, with the help of Guitar Protagonist 5. GIR and Mimi dance to the solo._

"_Sometimes I get the feeling_

_They're watching over me_

_And other times I feel like I should go_

_And through it all, the rise and fall, the broccoli in the streets_

_And when you're gone we want you all to know_

"_We'll carry on_

_We'll carry on_

_And though you're dead and gone, believe me_

_Your memory will carry on_

_We'll carry on_

_And in my heart I can't contain it_

_The anthem won't explain it_

"_A world that sends you reeling from _

_Crazy thoughts and dreams_

_Your insanity's gonna kill us all_

_So paint it black and take it back_

_So shut up loud and clear_

_Defiant to the end we hear the call_

_To carry on_

_We'll carry on_

_And though you're dead and gone believe me_

_Your memory will carry on_

_We'll carry on_

_And though you're broken and defeated,_

_Your weary widow marches_

_On and on we carry through the fears_

_Oh ha ha_

_The disappointed faces of your beers_

_Oh ha ha_

_Take a look at me, cause I can not care at all"_

_Brad with Chorus: "Do or die, you'll never make me_

_Because the world will never take my heard_

_Go and try, you'll never break me_

_We want it all, we wanna play this part_

_I won't explain or say I'm sorry_

_I'm unashamed, I'm gonna show my stuff_

_Give a cheer for all the broken_

_Listen here, because it's who we are_

_I'm just a nut, I'm not a hero_

_Just a nut who had to sing this song_

_I'm just a nut, I'm not a hero_

_I…don't…CARE!_

_Brad: "We'll carry on_

_Will Gary go? (A/N: Who's Gary?)_

_And though you're dead and gone, believe me_

_Your memory will carry on_

_Three carry-on_

_And though you're broken and defeated_

_Your weary widow marches on_

_Brad with Chorus: "Do or die, you'll never make me_

_Because the world will never take my heart_

_Go and try, you'll never break me_

_We want it all, we wanna play this part _

_(We'll carry on)_

_Do or die, you'll never make me_

_(We'll carry on)_

_Because the world will never take my heart_

_(We'll carry on)_

_Go and try, you'll never break me_

_(We'll carry)_

_We want it all, we wanna play this part_

_(We'll carry on)_

_GIR drum rolls on Mimi's head. "Yaaaay!!!"_

_And that's the end of this epic musical. _

_Fun Activity Time!: How many seconds are in a year? On Mercury? On Neptune? How many words are in the English language?_


	20. Chapter 20

Things are a little stressful right now. Both of my grandmothers are in the hospital right now. They're doing better, but they need or have needed surgery. On the bright side, my dad is a sportswriter, so he got a job covering the Rose Bowl! I'm not sure, but I think he's writing for the Philadelphia Times or something. Congrats to him!

Ah, December. The most commercial month of the year. Hallmark cards and Christmas sales. Now, we've all heard of O. Henry's touching classic Christmas tale, "The Gift of the Magi." A heartwarming Christmas classic giving us the profound message that love is more important than money. HAHAHAHAAAAA!!! BOOOOOOOOORRRRRIIIIIIIINNNNNNGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!XP! I had to read that in English. The Disney version was better, but I've decided to make my own parody of it.

(Tee-hee. Love is more important than money. HA!!!!) Wow…and I turn 14 later this month…

Disclaimer: I don't own Invader Zim, The Gift of the Magi, The Bedazzler, Tom Cruise, the Nintendo Wii, Time Magazine.

OMG!!!! 20th CHAPTER!!! CELEBRATE!!!!

Chapter That is the Twentieth: The Gift of the Mimi!

Pennies were not saved one or two at a time by being thrown in front of bulldozers, parsimonious (For those who speak English, parsimonious means cheap. Yeah, I didn't get the first paragraph, either.)

Mimi and GIR didn't have very much money. What do you expect? They needed tacos, and lots of them.

The yuletide season was approaching.

Mimi counted the money from her monkey bank. $1.87?!?! What would that buy for her beloved GIR? Nothing, that's what! GIR was special, and he deserved something special for his…specialness. There was nothing to do now but to howl and sob on the couch and eat gallons of ice cream. Mmm…ice cream…You know what? I could go for some right now, even if I'm not depressed. *starts drooling* Wha?

"Hi, shiny wife! I wants me a new piggeh!" said GIR.

"Oh, how I would love to get more rhinestones for my Bedazzler, GIR. I love gluing the rhinestones to the top of my head. They make me look shiny, and I do love looking sparkly," Mimi sighed.

"I wants me a new piggeh! And some paper clips! And some taquitos! And a giant box of monkeys! And

And a…"

_Five hours later…_

GIR is sitting on her lap. "And a moose! And a cake made entirely of tacos!"

Mimi is asleep, drooling. "Uh! Uh! What?"

"GIR!" Zim calls. "Help me with the weasels!"

GIR runs away to Zim without saying goodbye to Mimi.

"I've got to find something for GIR before Christmas arrives! But what?"…

Commercial Time!

The Wii logo bows down. Giant red letters appear against a screen. Here's what they read:

Run up walls…

GIR runs up an invisible wall. "Weeehooohooohooo!!!!"

Jump to incredible heights…

GIR jumps up and reaches a taco power up .

Eat massive amounts of tacos…

GIR is eating a whole bunch of tacos

Dramatic music comes on.

GIR: Quest for the Magic Monkey

Coming to the Wii March 38, 2009

(A/N: Can anyone tell me what's wrong with the date? If you can, I will give you a cookie that I just made. They're good!)

End ad!

Mimi walks in to the Rubber Piggy Store. It appears to be empty and, as you may have guessed, the shelves are stocked with rubber pigs.

"Hello?" she calls.

"How can I help you?" A voice responds, or are they two voices. It's Tom Cruise! A Disney-style applause track sounds. (Surprisingly, the track is not broken!)

"Yes, well, I need something special for my husband."

"Boy, do I have something for you. Follow me."

Tom Cruise leads Mimi to a secret room. He unlocked a lock on a box. Inside it was a platinum piggy.

"This pig has been voted Most Valuable Piggy by Time Magazine."

"How much does it cost?" asked Mimi in a worried voice.

"If you have to ask, you can't afford it," said Tom Cruise in a Tom Cruise-like sort of way.

"Do you buy rhinestones?" she asked.

"I buy rhinestones."

Mimi took out two fistfulls of rhinestones. "Will these work?"

"Oh, yes! Those will work perfectly!" Tom Cruise evilly cackled. (A/N:????) He took the rhinestones and disappeared into his secret Tom Cruise lair, chuckling evilly. What is in there, I dare not ask.

Mimi found the pig lying on the floor. She picked it up.

"GIR will love this!"

Random Sticky Note Fact: Did you know that Abraham Lincoln ate sticky notes for breakfast? Since the sticky note company has recently discovered this fact, they are working on diet sticky notes.

At Zim's base…

Zim was working on some evil project involving toy soldiers, weasels, and cake. GIR shook him vigorously.

"Master! I gotta get something for mah toaster! What do I get her?"

"Nothing. Nothing at all!" Zim said, referring to the results of his experiment.

"But won't she want something?"

"No! We need more cake!"

"Cake…"GIR drooled. A flock of fireflies randomly flew out of his head. (A/N: Hey, at least it doesn't require much electricity.)

"AAAAAAHHH! FIREFLIES! My arch-nemeses…"

Ad Time!

The Geico Caveman is walking innocently by, having a conversation with Zim.

"With your evil caveman henchmen, and my intelligent intelligence, I shall dominate this filthy dirt-ball! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAAAAAA!!"

The Geico announcer comes on.

"Geico. So easy an Irken can do it."

"What?" says Zim "How dare you question my intelligence!" Zim pulls a Pain Ray 5000 from his Pak.

"How dare you forget about me!" says the caveman. Geico may be easy, but I'm no Neanderthal (A/N: Heh…heh…pun there…Eh…I hate cheesy humor like that.) The caveman pulls out a club.

Zim and the caveman disappear off-screen. "Hey…hey…What are you doing! Ow! Ow! Ow! AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!"

Another Geico announcer comes on.

"Geico. 15 minutes can save 15% or more on car insurance."

"Oof! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

End Ad.

Mimi is at…um…a giant cardboard box at Zim's base. She is waiting for GIR.

"Ooh…I hope he still thinks I'm pretty even though I'm not as shiny without my rhinestones. He's going to be here any minute! Please, God, make him think I'm still pretty."

She heard a knock at the door.

"Oh my, that must be him. She dimmed out all the energy-saving lights. (A/N: Environment Power!)

"Hi Lucy!" GIR said, crashing through a wall. "I'm home! Why is all da lights out? Are we playin' hide and seek?"

"GIR…I bought you something." She showed him the piggy. It gleamed in the low light.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! I loves you, couch!"

"So what did you get me?"

GIR held out a pie. Mmm…pie…*starts drooling* He puts it on the table and swallows it in one gulp. Mimi is just happy that GIR is happy.

And so, it is said that the Three Wise Kings gave wise gifts to baby Jesus. They were wise. This story, however, is about two fools, one who sold her greatest possession for love, and the other who sold absolutely nothing because he forgot. That's not how the real story went, but it's my story, and you can't change that. Ha! But were these fools really wise? No.

(Tee-hee, love…better than money…HA!)

End!

Hmm…That wasn't as long as I thought it would be, so here is an exciting holiday list of people who did not invent the sticky note

**People Who Did Not Invent the Sticky Note:**

Thomas Jefferson

Benjamin Franklin

Leonardo da Vinci

Marylin Monroe (FACT: She did, however star in a sticky note commercial for Post-Its, but the commercial backfired when the people found the Post-Its more attractive.)

Marylin Manson

Katy Perry

Perry the Platypus

Jamie Lynn Spears

Britney Spears

Morgan Freeman

Hannah Montana

Miley Cyrus

Anne Hathaway

Linsay Lohan

Bill Clinton

Sonic the Hedgehog

Mel Gibson

My 1st-grade teacher

Me

SIR unit number 884427

Denzel Washington (Interesting fact: I share the same birthday as him, December 28! It's coming soon!)

Ronald Reagan

Ronald McDonald

My dad ( I think, however, he is going to cover the Rose Bowl, as I mentioned earlier. He said something about it.)

George W. Bush

George H.W. Bush

The States of Washington, Missouri, or Nebraska

Peque, my dog


	21. Chapter 21

_It's the holiday season, and life is sort of crazy right now. Unfortunately, I just lost a few friends. Everyone tells me to get over it, but it could take a little. The good news is, my grandmothers are doing a lot better now and my dad is covering the Rose Bowl on New Year's Day. My birthday comes in a week from now. I've posted a bunch of new pictures on Deviant Art (look for gaz7gir) But there are people who are in more stressful situations than I am, so let's have a moment of solitude._

_Okay, moment's over!_

_After much debating with myself, I finally decided to do a parody that really doesn't have to do with Christmas, but when you're bored out your mind, watching Disney Channel, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory comes on, and you notice that there's snow, you get ideas. Craaaaaaaazzzyyy ideas._

_Please read my Kirby story, The Randomest Ever Story About a Waddle Dee. (Actually, the story's about a Waddle Dee, not Kirby.) I lost sleep while thinking about it, so you BETTER read it or else I will send demon monkeys to do horrible things to your cheese sandwich. Waddle Dees are giving me insomnia, I swear. And a loss of sleep gives me more time to think of your punishment, so READ IT!_

_Also, about that money-is-better-than-love-thing. After thinking for a whole three minutes, sure, money can buy me GIR stuff, but it can't buy my freakish fan-obsession over him, so my theory just may have been disproved. _

_I gots me bottom braces now. It sucks. But the pain is going away. I did get a cute short haircut, though. I like it._

_Disclaimer: I don't own Invader Zim, Charlie and the Chocolate factory, Free Credit , Kirby, Waddle Dees, Johnny Depp_

_Random fact: I had a strange dream that was not about, but did involve, chocolate. _

_Another Random Fact: It appears that in Indian music videos, there are a lot of close-ups of people's butts. I found this while eating at an Indian Restaurant. I love Indian food._

_Chapter 21: Zim and the Chocolate Factory_

_It was a snowy morning…or was it afternoon? Evening? I dunno. I can't tell. Zim was busy…you guessed it, working on an experiment. Ugh. Why can't he dance instead._

_Okay, okay. Zim was dancing. Why? Because I'm writing the story, I'm in charge. No questions asked._

_So Zim was dancing and GIR was watching The Scary Monkey show. _

_No, that's not exciting enough._

_Zim was dancing while wearing a sombrero and GIR watched the Scary Monkey show…with a pig tied to his head singing Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer._

_Just then the news came on._

"_This just in: Willy Wonka is holding a sweepstakes. Four lucky people who find the four Platinum-coated tickets will win a tour of the Wonka Chocolate Factory! And one special person will win something so spectacular, so magnificent, so David Hasselhoff-errific that I can't say what it is!"_

"_Surprise?! ZIM MUST DISCOVER THIS SURPRISE!"_

_Okay, yada yada. I don't feel like describing anything so I'll just make this as quick as possible. Stores are crowded and hot, just like the mall on Christmas Eve, full of last minute shoppers tearing the place to shreds, possibly murdering people, just to get their presents…err…chocolate bars. Zim despised chocolate, so he just snatched up whatever he could and ran like the people at the mall I told you about. Seriously, the mall is crazy right now. I just went there today, but anyways,_

_At the base…_

_Zim unwrapped the chocolates, bar by bar. It was a very tedious task, but it had to be done. Just like washing dishes. GIR sat nearby, gobbling the chocolate bar by bar, which was fun. After a while, I get sick of too much chocolate, but GIR could've ate that chocolate for all of eternity. _

"_Empty…empty…EMPTY! This is useless! We'll never find it! GRRRR!!"_

_GIR was now a giant obese little blob, although I don't see how robots can gain weight. Oh well. Who cares about logic?_

"_Yes, master?"_

"_I didn't call you! Just keep eating!"_

_GIR's eyes turned red. "Yes Sir!"_

_And so, we move ahead days, because there's not much to describe, and I want to post this as soon as possible, hopefully before Christmas. Zim kept getting frustrated as GIR kept getting fatter and happier. Lalalalalalaaaa…_

_Days later…_

"_All right, GIR! The 30,587,596,478__th__ time HAS to be it!"_

_Zim sweated as he unwrapped the last bar. "Come on…" he muttered through clenched teeth. "Come on…"_

_Something gleamed from inside the package. Could it be?_

_A platinum-coated ticket read: "Congratulations! If you have found this ticket, you are one of the four lucky winners of a grand tour of the Wonka Chocolate factory! Be at the front gate at 3 A.M. sharp on December 23, and you will be on an unforgettable tour!"_

"_I…I won…" Zim stuttered in disbelief. "I WON!!!!" Zim did that Irken victory dance I told you about in that one chapter. I think it was the Potato Tree._

_GIR coughed up another platinum ticket, along with an expiration date dated earlier than the last one. _

"_GIR, why does this ticket have the same date as the first one?"_

_GIR jiggly shrugged his jiggly shoulders, which jiggly jiggled…jiggly. _

_Zim growled. I really want to work on my Waddle Dee story right now, but I'm determined to get this done, so you better finish this story. EGGNOG!_

_The day of the tour…_

_Zim and GIR stood outside the door at 2:45. Zim tapped his foot impatiently. GIR had mysteriously lost the weight he gained. I wish I could lose weight that fast. Everybody does. Zim looked around. He saw a sight he dreaded. Dib and Gaz stood outside, waiting for something. Gaz played her Gameslave *cough*I want Guitar Hero!*cough*_

_Zim turned to himself. "Dib. I should've know this was a trap!" _

"_What are you doing here?" asked Dib._

"_YOU HAVEN'T FOOLED ME!!!"_

"_What?"_

"_I'm not falling for your pathetic little trap, Dib"_

"_What trap? Gaz and I found a platinum ticket too."_

"_Nice try!"_

"_Would you shut up?" Gaz said and continued on level 87 of Vampire Piggy Hunter 3: Revenge of the Swines._

_Just then they heard a __creeeeeeek_ coming from the factory door. A crazy man with a strange haircut and purple suit came appeared. "Welcome!"

"It's Johnny Depp!!" Shouted GIR.

"No, I'm Willy Wonka!"

"No, you's Johnny Depp!"

"Wonka."

"Johnny Depp!"

"Look, kid, you better shut up or I'll through you out on your sorry butt."

"I like monkeys!"

"Well then, shall we get started?"

They walked through a candy-land.

"Here, eat the grass! It's made of chocolate!" Said Mr. Depp…I mean, Wonka.

"Why is it green?" Dib asked.

"Umm-"

"It's magic!" GIR answered.

"Yes, yes. That's it!"

While Wonka was blathering on about Oompa Loompas which were actually Waddle Dees, GIR ran over to the chocolate river. He started to take a drink, but leaned forward a little too far.

"Aaah!" he screamed. He didn't know how to swim.

"GIR! Get out of there!" Zim shouted.

"I can't!" he whined.

So everyone ran over to him but they couldn't get him out. The only way out was for him to drink the chocolate, and that fountain was infinite.

So we'll let GIR finish his chocolate while we move on. 

Crud…I can't remember what kid comes next, so here's a fake ad, I guess. By the way, I posted a picture of this ad on Deviant Art.

We are at some restaurant where the guy would be in his pirate suit, but he's just wearing a jacket over his underwear because he got fired. He's holding a guitar and singing. GIR is playing the twangy noise thing in the background. And because I feel like it, Waddle Dees are in pirate costumes dancing in the background. Some are playing instruments. (For those who don't know, Waddle Dees look sort of like Kirby, only they're reddish-orange and a different shape. All are awesome dancers and adorable! )

"They say a man should always dress for the job he wants

So why's that dog dressed like a pirate in this restaurant?

It's all because some hacker stole my identity

Now I've lost my job and drinking gallons of iced tea

Should've gone to FreeeeeeeCredit Report Dot Com 

I could've seen this comin' at me like an atom bomb

They monitor your credit and send you e-mail alerts

So you don't end up selling fish to tourists in T-shirts"

Everyone applauses. The FCR guy bows, but they throw roses at GIR and the Waddle Dees. The man spontaneously combusts and walks away. Poor guy. Still, GIR ranks at 1, Waddle Dees 2, Flowers 3, and in 4th place, FCR guy. Maybe one day, I'll write a fanfic about him. 

End ad.

Okay, I think I've figured it out now.

While on the tour, Dib wore a lot of metal, what with his alien discovering thingies and whatnot. With metal, there's necessary, and then there's dangerous.

"Now we have reached the part of the factory where I make gum," said John-WILLY Wonka.

WADDLE DEES ARE AWESOMEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! ^_^!

I LUV GIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry. Felt like saying that. MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE RUUUULEZ!!!!!

So then he showed them something so impressive, so astounding, so David Hasselhoff-mazing that I cannot tell you what happened because it's so secret. I bet you're wondering what happened. Well, too bad.

Dib leaned a little too forward to one of the magnetic gum stretchers and…

"Ow! Ooh! Ow! OW! OW! OWWWW! AAAAAHHHH!!!"

I really don't need to explain it here. I'm too lazy, and you can figure it out yourself.

" 's bout time," said Gaz. 

So they walk to the next place, the Video Game Research area. Now's the time to hum a little tune here. 

Hmm hmm hmmmmmmm…No. In fact, I will sing the Waddle Dees are Awesome Song.

Waddle Dees are awesome

Waddle Dees are awesome

Waddle Dees are awesome

But not as awesome as GIR

Because nothing beats GIIIIIIIIRRRRRR….

"We now arrive at the Video Game Research Department, where we find a way to combine video games with chocolate."

"I'm in heaven," said Gaz.

Gaz immediately took a controller and started playing. She couldn't look away. 

"Don't play that!" said Wonka. But alas, he was too late. Gaz had been hypnotized by the game.

Now at this point, the Oompa Loompas would sing a song, but since Waddle Dees usually don't talk, they just did a cute little dance.

Willy Depp…I mean, Wonka looked at Zim. "Well, I guess you're the winner."

"YESSSSS!!!! Now I get the factory, right?"

"Actually, no. Here's a sandwich."

"NNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Come on GIR, let's go home."

GIR was covered in chocolate.

"How did you get out of there? That chocolate was infinite!"

"I LUUUUV chocolate!"

Zim shrugged. "Ehh, he does that a lot."

And they both walked home in the snow while the Christmas shoppers' war raged on.

DA END!

Wow. That was fast. Well, at least I got it done in time. Happy Holidays!

Fun Activity: I've got two! 1: Count each individual light on your overenthusiastic neighbor's Christmas Decorations

2: Read my new fanfic, The Randomest Ever Story About a Waddle Dee. 

It's your choice.

Happy Holidays!


	22. Chapter 22

Yay! It was just my birthday, December 28. I was supposed to get a Nintendo DS, but it seems that every other kid in the world got one for Christmas, because they were all sold out. T-T Oh well. I did get the new Steven King book, along with a couple others.

Okay, guys! This is gonna be the last chapter in this story, and I need your help! Yesterday, I saw Bedtime Stories, and let me just say, it was really immature, even for me. But nobody's paying me to be a critic. Nobody's paying me to write this, either. In fact, nobody's paying me at all! I should be paid…

Getting off topic-

After the movie, I complained, but my sister said that I'm not funny! Can you believe that? I can, but that's another story. So now it's up to me to prove her wrong! You too can help! Yes, you! Just send in your reviews, along with $19.95 a month and you can help a poor girl bored to death prove her little sister wrong!

Disclaimer: I don't own Invader Zim, Disney's Bedtime Stories *BLECCH* or all the "subliminal" Disney references. I counted at least three in the real movie.

Chapter…What Chapter was it? I forgot. Ah, well it's the last one, so I guess it doesn't really matter.

The Last Chapter: Bedtime Stories, Invader Zim-Style!

Let's see…I don't want to give the original scenario, so let's just start with our current one. I don't know what I'm saying either. Sooo…

"Is everyone ready to hear the greatest bedtime story in the world? The one about the Virtual Pig? (interesting fact: I did actually write that story on the Nickelodeon website. Maybe I'll post it here one day.) Well, too bad, because despite the epicness of that story, that's not what I'm telling tonight.

So is everyone ready? Do you have your popcorn, your sodas, your candy, your jackets? Your hats, your clothes, your cozy pink bunny slippers? Your pipe? Your salted nuts? Does anybody need to use the bathroom? "

Everybody in the audience raises their hand except for a penguin, which shouldn't be there in the first place.

"Well, too bad! Just hold it! AHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!" (A/N: The minute the guy in the movie said that, I hated him, and the rest of the movie.)

The crowd screams and rushes to the doors only to find that they are locked.

"It's too late to get out now! You're trapped! Enjoy the show! Please turn off all your phones, because we're now going on a magical voyage!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"

The announcer is evil, I tells ya! Eeeeeeeeviiiiiiilllll!!! Well, the real one anyways.

Once upon a time,…(six people have already died of boredom now.)

There lived an alien, named Zim.

"Whoo!" someone goes. He mysteriously falls into a trap door.

"One day at Skool…"

"Okay, children. Your assignment is to come up with a diorama. I don't care what it's about, just DO IT! Winner will not be fed to the Lion King. It's due next Monday. Now get to it!" Ms. Bitters explained.

_Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinggg!_

"_Go. Go before I open the underground classroom."_

_Dib stopped Zim. "I bet I can make a better diorama than you, Zim," he bragged._

"_No you can't," Zim replied._

"_Yes I can."_

"_No you can't"_

_At this point, I would probably do the I Can Do Anything Better Than You song, but I've already done that and I don't feel like copying it down. _

_But I can give you a sammich *throws sammiches into audience. (Eight people have died of boredom. Oops. Make that nine.)_

_At Zim's base…_

"_GIR! Get over here!:_

_GIR came out, covered in cheese. Cheddar cheese, might I add. Hey, did you know that ADD is add without the caps? Joke there. Who's seen Batman? That was a great movie. I got Guitar Hero for Christmas! _

"_Yes, master?"_

"_Go through everything and find the biggest box available, and be quick about it!"_

"_Ooh, I knows where!" GIR ran off._

"_Now," Zim wondered, "What should be the theme of the diorama? I can't make it Irken, everyone will suspect me. I'M NORMAL! But Zim knows of no other theme than Irken. What shall I do? Hmm…"_

_Zim sighed._

"_Huh? Who's there!?! Show yourself!"_

"_It's me, the narrator. You know, the evil one who locked the doors?"_

"_What?"_

"_Umm, nothing. Just ignore me so I can tell the audience what's going on."_

"_What audience?"_

"_That one over there, behind the screen."_

"_What screen?"_

"_Th…ugh, never mind!"_

"_Even if there was an audience, couldn't they see what I'm doing?"_

"_Yes, but it's a mind-numbing children's movie, and thus I am hired. Also, half the audience has already gone blind from the horror of this movie crap."_

"_Get out of my base! I know your evil plan!"_

"_Oh, do you…I mean, I'm not here to do anything."_

"_GET OUT!"_

"_Okay, Okay! Sheesh."_

_Zim continued to ponder…and ponder…and ponder until GIR came back holding a jar of pickles. Smash! He dropped it on the floor. Zim stared._

"_That's not a box!" Zim shouted._

_GIR licked the pickles off the floor. GLOMP! OMNOMNOMNOMNOM! SLUUUUURRP!_

"_Eeewwww…"_

"_Hey, nobody said that this movie wasn't going to be gross! The kids love it!"_

"_I TOLD YOU TO GET OUT OF MY BASE!" Zim shouted, pulling out a laser gun._

"_Okay, okay. It wasn't even that gross."_

"_Yeah, but I'm not one who really likes gross kid humor."_

"_Who said that?" said the evil narrator._

_I come out, wearing my Taco Angel costume, bat wings and all. It's a yellow dress with red and green lace, and it says Federalism in the front. There are black bat wings on my back. I wear a mask with the same dress pattern in the shape of a taco. I was on a sugar rush when I created the character. I'm writing a comic book about that now, by the way._

"_What are you doing ?" asks the narrator._

"_I just thought I'd throw in my opinion. It is, after all, my story."_

"_But you throw in your opinion all the time!"_

"_It's my story, not yours, so shut up, or I will hit you with a giant mallet!"_

"_How would you do that? I'm invisible, remember?"_

"_Grr…You win this time, but I WILL be back…THE TACOS OF JUSTICE WILL ALWAYS PREVAIL!!"_

"_Get out of my base!"_

"_Yeah, okay." I say. I flap my wings. A fantastic display of lights occur. I walk off-screen, accidentally tripping over a curtain. I get back up and walk away. I should be in a video game. That would be coooooollll…_

_Sometime later…_

_Were the boxes taking flight? Of course not, despite all of the non-logic in this story. No, Zim was sorting through all the boxes in the base. After GIR and Mimi's wedding, there were many juice boxes, but they were not big enough. _

"_Master! Tell me a story!"_

"_Not now, I'm busy."_

"_WAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!"_

"_Oh, all right."_

"_Once upon a time, there was a SIR Unit named GIR."_

"_Dat's meeeee!"_

"_Yes, yes. It was spring. The flowers were blooming, and Piggy was out in the yard. Suddenly, Piggy saw…_

"_An iPortal!"_

"_Whassat?"_

"_Oh, but that's the mysterious part of it. Now let me continue._

"_Piggy stared at it. 'What could it be?' Piggy said. _

_And now we start to blur into the story. We enter through the story, you know, all movie-like. Blur, blur, blur. We stop seeing Zim and we don't hear his voice as often. _

_GIR came up to Piggy. He noticed the iPortal._

"_Ooh…TUNA!" GIR said._

"_No!" exclaimed Piggy. But it was too late. GIR had knocked Piggy's Tarantula Man action figure into the iPortal._

"_No…" Piggy said weakly._

"_Yay!" GIR said gleefully._

_Before Piggy could say anything, GIR pushed him into the portal. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"_

_GIR decided to jump in too. _

_Ooh, the internet was so pretty! It was full of colors and numbers and pop-ups and spam! So much junk mail! _

_They fell harshly to a dry sand ground. They looked up._

_The place smelled of tacos, and mariachi music filled the air. A sign read "Bienvenidos a iMexico!" _

"_We must be in Canada!" stated GIR._

_Piggy looked around and saw the Taco Man._

"_Excuse me," he called. "Do you know the way to the real world?"_

"_Sorry, senor, but I do not. Try our new delicious Almost-Food-Like Burritos! They taste 64% like food!"_

"_No thanks."_

"_I'll take 20!" GIR said._

_Soon they were sucked into the next world._

_They looked around…._

_What did they see?!?! _

_I would've continued this part, but I can't seem to remember the story that much, so I need some time to find the story book. By the way, this is my very first story, A Virtual Pig's Tale! I guess you will be hearing that story after all. Look out for Part 2, and don't forget to help me prove my sister wrong!_

_THE FINAL STORY_

_TO BE CONTINUED…_

_(dan dun duuuuuunn….)_


	23. Chapter 23

How do I put this? This story is going to take longer than I thought, so I thought I might as well entertain you in the meantime. I am going to write the final story in parts.

Disclamer: I don't FREAKING own Invader Zim.

Intercrude (play on words there!): Two Useless Stories

**Running In The** **Dark**

He runs from all he knows

He feels the nothingness around him

The monsters of hollowness following him everywhere

He can't see a thing

Shouting for help

Trying to escape the blackness

Looking for the light at the end of the tunnel

Salty, bitter tears running down his soft face

Screaming harder

Crying for the light

But he gets nowhere

No matter how hard he searches,

He can't find it.

Lost.

He is blind to the light

He can't find his way from the monsters following him

Without his knowledge.

"MASTER! I CAN'T SEE! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!"

Zim turns on the light switch.

"GIR, what are you doing!"

"Oh Master, it was so scary! I couldn't see! There was monsters!"

"Mah!"

"What are you talking about? The only one here is Mini Moose."

"Mah!"

GIR ran over to Piggy, who just happened to be there, and squeezed him firmly. "Oh, Piggy!" He sobs.

"Piggeh! I was so scared!"

DA END!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I feel better after that. But I recommend that you do not read the following story. Seriously, it's the stupidest story ever. I dare you to write a stupider story, you can't do it. This is (almost)as bad as it gets. I would tell you the worst, but I would probably offend thousands of fan girls. I am so seriously close to it, though. It has something to do with "robotic characters a lack of plot. Guessed it yet? Meanwhile, take this delightful poll:

Out of all my stories, which one was your favorite? Be sure to comment and vote! I will post the winner in the final chapter!

**The Pointless Salad That Came From Outer Space**

**Once upon a time, there was a salad that came from outer space. One day, it ended up in the trashcan. Please don't make me go to Rubio's again, Mommy and Daddy. **

Exciting Activity!: Count the number of people you see wearing Twilight merchandise. For even more fun, count the number of products per person! That oughtta keep you busy


	24. Chapter 24

Well, it's the final story, and I've brought a special guest with me! Say hi, Peque!

Rghaehhhhi;ot 6frwr

You see, Peque's my chihuahua! He's sitting on my lap right now!

*Peque licks hand* Aww…isn't he cute?

*Peque licks hand again* Heh…heh…okay, you can stop now…

*Peque licks computer desk* STOP IT ALREADY!!!!

*Peque licks hand* ENOUGH!

*Peque licks hand* X_X

Yes, you heard me right. FINAL STORY! So you better enjoy this last chapter, because it's…last. I think you get the idea, but in case you didn't, don't look for any more . L-A-S-T! Final! End! Finito!

Got it? Good.

Ret90uit3q09u4hoi34u80942qu098[4;lepo9oi8gOjr4w

That was Peque. He says hello.

Disclaimer: I do not own Disney's Bedtime Stories, Invader Zim, Ad Council or any of the Disney references.

Chapter 23: Bedtime Stories-Zim-Style!

Hmm. This was odd. The dirt tasted like…like powdered chocolate! Yes, that was it! Chocolate! But…why?

Soon the sky started to rain grated cheese. GIR stuck his tongue out to catch it. Piggy spotted a giant talking hot dog .

"S'cuse me, Mr. Hotdog. Have you seen my Tarantula Man Action Figure?"

"Nope. Sorry."

"Oh." Piggy said with a disappointed face. "Come on, GIR, let's go."

"No! I don't wanna!" GIR shouted. He threw himself into a screaming temper tantrum until he fell asleep.

And so they were sucked into the next dimension."

"Master?" said GIR

"What? Are you tired yet? I need to work anyway. The bomb could go off any minute."

And now, time for a subliminal message!

I normally wouldn't describe GIR's room set…I mean, room, but it may *cough*DOES*cough* contain a Disney reference.

Next to GIR's piggy sat a Buzz Lightyear action figure. In fact, there was a poster for _Bolt on the wall. Bolt having a sombrero and moustache. So did the cat and the hamster_

_Instead of taking a rough fall, this time they gently floated down . _

_Piggy looked around. He saw schools of colorful, vibrant fish swimming right past his face. Vividly, boldly, like a Kodak™ photograph. (Brought to you by Kodak)_

_And now, a fake ad brought to you by the fake Ad Council:_

_A guy wearing a bunch of thick sweaters is getting out of bed. His sweater reads, "I'm gonna try to quit today."_

_He takes it off while passing a pack of marijuana joints. "Nope, not gonna do it."_

_He takes that sweater off while longingly staring at the pack. The sweater now reads, "Well, maybe just one…"_

_He picks it up and stops . "No. I won't," the sweater reads . He takes it off. "Oh, it's just one, it won't hurt. He lights it up and shows us his next sweater, reading, "Okay, no more."_

_He runs outside with a sweater reading, "Yup, I feel good." He starts walking with a sweater reading, "I've got a craving, but I'm on my way to help!" He takes his next sweater saying, "Well, maybe I'll go home, just to throw them out."_

_He runs back home with a sweater saying, "All I'm going to do is throw them out, that's the first step."_

_He gets home to find them on his counter. His new sweater reads, "But these are expensive, no use letting them go to waste."_

_BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZT….BZZZT!_

_Uh-oh. It looks like we're having technical difficulties. _

_Hmm…it seems like I need more votes! Vote and I will continue!_

_Dan dan dan….. _


	25. Chapter 25

Let me start by saying that my attention span is short when writing. Especially when I'm watching Youtube. So this chapter will be short, because I'm starting to get bored here. If I want to finish this, I'm gonna have to force myself. See? I just zoned out! Those Chihuahuas are funny! LOL

Now let's forget about the story for a minute. We all need to. My dad just bought me the Powerpuff Girls Season 1 DVD. I was so happy, and let me explain why. You see the Powerpuff Girls was my first obsession. I was about five or six years old. Ah, the good old days, before my sister could talk, and TV was a lot better. Good times, good times.

So anyways, I thought I should tell you about my big project on Deviant Art. Have you ever wondered how I draw? Probably not. Go to Deviant Art and search "Natalie's 101 Super Heroes!" I'm drawing 101 superheroes . I plan on drawing a hundred and one heroes (and villains.) My account is gaz7gir. I got tired of ribbonhamhamgir, since I got tired of Hamtaro. For those who are wondering, no, I don't plan on finishing that story. I got over my brief Hamtaro phase, especially after I lost my old friends. Hmph, I feel better without them anyway.

Today I went to an audition for honors orchestra. I think I screwed up a lot, which is great, because I didn't want to do it. Getting to wake up at 9 AM on Saturday til 1 PM, oh, it's so much fun! Especially with a 15 minute break and hard music. Yay.

Enough about me, let's talk about you. How are you doing? What color socks are you wearing? Mind if I come over to your house with my shiny weapon collection? What are you doing? Where were you at nine PM, mister?!?!?!

Oh yeah, and one more thing. If you want to vote, please do it in a review, because for some reason I'm not getting these e-mail alerts.

Disclaimer: I don't own Invader Zim, Beverly Hills Chihuahua, Gatorade, or Ryan Seacrest.

Chapter 25: Intercrude 2: Stupid Commercials and Dark Poetry

Now it's time for dark poetry in my style

**Loving the Dead**

**Looking at his cold, stiff beloved**

**He weeps for his love, his life,**

**She lays, her body stiff and firm**

**He recalls the joyous times**

**Back when the world was a happier, joyful place**

**Flowers bloomed and birds sang of sweet happiness**

**A garden of beauty and grace**

**He ran with his loved one**

**Laughing, giggling**

**The fun they shared **

**The time at the beach**

**Of white sands and sapphire shores**

**They laughed as they ran along the coast.**

**But no,**

**Now she was dead.**

**Diamond tears smudged his warm, face**

**His trembling hands caressing her cold, lifeless body**

**Lip quivering, he picks her up and runs away.**

"Master! MASTER!" GIR cried.

"What now, GIR? I'm busy!"

*Sniff, sniff* "MY DOGGEH DIED!!!"

"You mean that cheap toy that you bought at the toy store?"

GIR whimpered and nodded his head.

Zim sighed, "Here's twenty dollars. Go buy some new batteries."

"YEEEEE! Thanks, master! I LUVS YOU!!!!"

GIR hugs Zim to the point of suffocation.

"GIR…mph…let GO OF ME!"

GIR runs out the door, shouting, "WHEE!"

End

Now, time for a fake ad, and a creepy one at that. I know I'm pretty late, but this just had to be parodied. I love Chihuahuas, and I even own one, but seeing all those Chihuahuas…that's creepy. *makes whining noise*

My name is Papi

I come from a long line of soldiers

Destined to one day rule the earth…

Our people live among the rich and most powerful people on earth.

Who am I?

The question is, What am I?

"I'm a Chihuahua!"

Creepy music starts. No, not that Chihuahua song. That dramatic song from the Gatorade commercial. You know, the one with the opera singer and the basketball player sweating Gatorade (Eeeeeeeww…)

We see the Chihuahuas coming out from all over. They are destroying cities and coming from-spaceships. Ka-BLAMMO!

BOOM!

SMASH!

RYAN SEACREST!

BAM!

I love writing sound effects.

50% Warrior

50% Ticking Time Bombs

100%Rulers of our New World

Beverly Hills Chihuahua

I wonder if Peque feels offended by this. Let's ask.

"Peque, are you mad?"

*Peque sits on sofa*

I'll take that as a no.

Be sure to vote, but please do it in a review!


End file.
